Want to give up

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Gingie, Apr 6, 2011.

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  1. Gingie

    Gingie Active Member

    I've cut the past few days. I'm in 3,000 of debt that I have to pay off soon, I don't have a job. I'm a transgendered girl that no one wants to be with. My mind keeps racing through multiple ways to die. I go up down up down up down and Im sick of it. I just want it to stop. I want to die. I think I might do it tonight...
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Gingie, sorry to here your going through such a bad time.

    You mention two issues which seem to be weighing on your mind, debt and relationship worries.

    First off, debt. If your not working - there is a limit with respects to what debts you can pay back. You can make payment plans, even if its a very little amount per week. You might also have family or friends that might loan you the cash if its some urgent payment.

    It depends who you owe the money to. If it was criminals or gangsters, the payment plan of £2 a week would fall flat. If you owe the money to legit lenders, banks, loans off govt schemes or education loans - its not a worry. You simply tell them what you can afford - but promise to pay more and clear the debts as and when you get some work. You can get free advise in the UK off various organisations that help with benefits, debt management. I know people who owed more than you - are in tears, suicidal, and end up paying back a minimal fee until they can afford to pay back more. I hate it when people get suicidal over debt. Its bad I know but don't ever kill yourself over lousy cash.

    As for relationships, I'm not sure what a transgendered girl is but I'm figuring your a human being. Right now you have depression so think the worse of yourself. You 'think' nobody wants to be with you - but I'm assuming that of the almost 7 billion people on this planet - there WILL be someone for you.

    Your sexuality matters little - gender also. With depression it would not matter if you were extremely beautiful and otherwise fun to be with. You isolate yourself - put yourself down and think the worse. To be attractive to someone, confidence helps. That does not come easily but in part your struggle is being comfortable with who you are.

    Last but not least, you should seek help regarding your depression. I'd assume you've had help in your own transgender process. I looked it up and you are someone who is born with one gender but feels they are another. Gender is not sexuality. Even in Iran this is acceptable and they have operations on the health service. It happens. Depends who you have around you and if your family is OK or maybe a bit bigoted or something.

    I'd offer 100% support to anyone in my family. Shame some seem to not do so.

    Anyhow, get that depression sorted out - thinking about suicide this much is a warning from your own self - take heed of it, after all you've struggled enough with your gender issue and tackling depression is a breeze compared to what you've likely been through if you've felt like another gender since childhood.

    I'd also look to see if local transgender groups exist, in my area there is some that meet in the city. Although you might not want someone transgender as a partner you can learn from others I'm sure.

    Please consider going to see your doctor as depression does not need to be left alone - and often enough, by leaving it to spiral, we end up thinking of multiple ways to die as you are right now.

    There is help out there - and as for the worry about never finding a soul mate, I'm sure that love will come when you least expect it. Before then, get yourself some help and that way you'll be good company to be in first and foremost.

    In my view, looking for love with depression, hoping love might be the cure, can get messy. If you get the depression treated, you'll have a clearer idea of people as and when you meet them. I'd like to think someone did not have to hold me up so much or suffer from the mood swings. A date with depression - you just know you'll say something or totally miss her feeling insecure and mistake it for joy.

    Good luck, don't get too hung up thinking about all the negatives. You only got a bit of debt, then some depression to get over. After that I'm sure you'll find someone out there who is genuine. Its like finding money in the street - the more you look the less chance of finding. Ever look for paper money and find some in the street? Yet when your not looking - a few times in your life you find a dollar or pound or Euro note.

    The thing is, with depression, you might not be in the mood to take a quick glance around and eyeball that paper money or eyeball someone who might well be the tonic that love truly is!

    You never know what might happen, but you really got to stick around to be there for the moments that change our lives for the better.

    Everyone has those moments. The better we feel about ourselves the more we spot!
  3. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    What is it, exactly, that's making you want to kill yourself?
  4. Gingie

    Gingie Active Member

    Thank you peace, that was very helpful. I'm doing my absolute best but it seems it's not enough. What is causing me to want to kill myself is everything that is f'd up. I had an attempt in October not in school now till this coming fall because of it. My father abuses me. Most of my friends have left me cause of the suicide attempt. It's all just too much
  5. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    So you attempted suicide, missed a semester of school as a result, you're being abused by your father, and you've lost most of your friends because of your attempt. Is all that right?

    Can you go into any more detail? For instance, and I know this may be hard to talk about, what kind of abuse are you suffering? Would you be willing to share that? Is it emotional abuse? Physical abuse? More succinctly, is it something you could call the authorities on?

    Regardless, any type of abuse is serious, so the question is, what do you do about it? Do you have any options besides living with your father? Do you have any other relatives or friends you can stay with? If you can find a way to separate yourself from him, it could keep you safe.

    As for friends being alienated after a suicide attempt, that's a very unfortunate consequence of it sometimes. A lot of people can get scared of someone who's attempted suicide, they feel they have to treat you specially, and to them it feels like more effort than it's worth. Suicide is something most people just do not want to deal with. It's awful, but it's an unfortunate truth. Those who attempt suicide are instantly considered different from everyone else, as if it was contagious, and the stigma of suicide itself kicks in, and each person handles it their own way. Often, their solution is to withdraw, as they've done from you.

    Keep your wits about you. There may be a way out of this besides giving up.
  6. Gingie

    Gingie Active Member

    Well my father abused me physically and verbally. And with my pysc and mom we are working on getting him out of the house.

    I miss my friends though a lot.....and i feel i have nothing :(
  7. HakunaMatata

    HakunaMatata Well-Known Member


    Don't give up searching, someone can and will accept the new you. You could find a transgender community (i know a website), it's great meeting other transgender folk, but some people will see you as a sex object.
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