Don't know why i am typing this, want to talk to someone but it is 3 am here. get so so upset and out of sorts. I hate life. I start beating my head and face--hitting me...i never do this before.....i just cry but now, i hate myself so much that tonight, i wanted to pound my brain with the hammer. i dont' care anymore. i feel i have no power to change anything. I know it is very childish, i watched a t.v. show that my ex husband likes. He tried to get me to watch it with him. I never did and now it is just a silly way for me to hang on to him. i did many many amny things wrong, but i had no idea that i was so bad behaving. does that make sense? He never saw me as his wife in a stable mood-level. ya know. thats just why i hate me. he will never talk to me. My son will never know me. i hate me. i am nothing but shit to hit.