Keep hanging on. My Dad killed himself on Sept. 25, four years ago, and I'm here to tell you you can get through this.
Grief is a series of waves, and there will be terribly painful days, but keep treading water and keep reaching out to people. Right now, every single thought may cause you pain, but you WILL come to a time when those same thoughts will bring you wonderful memories.
Your dad loved you very much, and that has not changed. When you get to a place where you want to talk to a group of people who have "been there", NAMI has local support groups for survivors of family suicide. Look online, or ask me about it. Keep taking care.
s*