I am 26 years old and if you took one look at me, you'd say no way is this guy suicidal. I look good but don't feel good. I don't have a physical illness. The problem is that I have never been able to fit in my entire life. I have very little to no friends. I think I have things going for me (I'm about to be making 6 figures a year and I am physically fit and most people say I look good) but man do girls let me know that I don't. they continuously reject me. My family cares about me but my mom and dad are getting up there in age and wont be around forever. My 2 brothers are hardly ever around anymore. I am on drugs right now I cant say specifically what specific kind of drug it is but I am hooked and on a ton of pressure to get off but do not want to. I hate the USA and their drug laws but it is what it is. Everytime I think things will get better they don't. I recently confided in some people outside of my family telling them everything last Friday and they have not even had the decency to check with me again since then. I mean if you tell someone you are suicidal and potentially a threat to others shouldn't they follow up. Not doing so makes it seem as though they really don't give a shit and don't want me to bother them anymore. I constantly go from wanting to kill myself to wanting to go on a killing spree. killing myself is much more realistic at this point. what on earth should I do? people say self pity wont do any good but what the fuck is the point in trying if its just gonna make shit worse?