want to quit my job

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lachrymose27, Jan 3, 2011.

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  1. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    It's funny when a couple months ago I was bitching about having no job. Then when I did finally found one, a retail job. Thought everything worked out alright, then soon I began bitching about the retail job, about how it gives no opportunity for growth, about how its the same as ending your life. Then, at the time, was seeking other ways for financial support, did an internship for two days then got hired. Was happy about it, finally have a decent job. I was a freelancer there but had full-time hours. Now he wanted to take me on for full-time, I said I couldn't commit to it. Because actually, I hated that job, it paid better than retail, has opportunities, but in the end, its something I don't want to do long-term. Committing to full-time to me meant the same as committing to death. Life is short and I want to spend my days happily living it. Tomorrow 1/3 i have to tell him whether I want to be taken in full-time with employment benefits or continue to work as a freelancer. I'm going to go with freelancing while trying to seek out better options, options that will make me a happier person. I don't care if the pay would be the same as retail, as long as I like the job and am happy with it, then life would be worth living. What sucks is that my family will not support me in whatever I'd do. Family is really important, support from family is really important as i've come to learn. Thing is, I know what their answer would be. My family does not see open possibilities. The way they see it (probably the same answer as everyone else) is this: "Its a tough to find work these days. Of course you should commit to full-time while the opportunity is still there, stupid."

    When they say that to me, thought they don't know it, it hurts me real bad inside. Its like telling me to commit to death. Commit to a full-time job where you'd feel stressed out and uncomfortable. Its like they don't care whether I'm happy about it or not. All they see is "money, financial support." Yeah, if I told them about what I wanted to do, they'd only call me stupid and in a very loud angry-like tone which makes me feel really uncomfortable.

    I don't know what to do, sometimes the only end result I see is suicide. Sometimes I feel as if my family really helped contribute to my suicidal behavior. All I ever wanted was their support, if they can't even provide that, they mind is well xxxxx and made sure it passed through the heart.

    In lighter news, I think i will seek medication again to deal with my depression. Then again, seeking medication requires dialing a number, and customer service is a pain in the ass to deal with, sometimes, why bother calling. Again, everything comes circling back to suicide.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So sorry things are so rough...I think it would be worth trying to get medication again, especially if it was helpful in the past...and glad you are thinking about what you want and not exclusively the short term gains of a permanent position...hope this all works out
  3. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I hope so too. Feeling really terrible at work right now.
    Not sure if it is anxiety..
  4. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    If it helps i went through somthing similar within my current job, not that keen on it, dont enjoy it, only like a couple of people i actually work with

    Then one day i handed my notice in on a whim - then i thought, fu*k. Better to be in a job thats rubbish than have no job, at the end of the day money is money

    As long as you aren't selling your soul or compromising your morals then stick with it - you sound like a pretty bright girl as you have been able to pick up a semi decent job quite quickly so don't panic

    Keep your head down, plod on and somthing better will turn up. Might not feel like it at the moment but it will

    Sometimes to get where we want to be we have to take the long winded crappy route but its worth it in the end

    Like people say, its easier to find another job when you have a job!

    Good luck x
  5. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I'm a dood. But more than not enjoying it, I actually feel really uncomfortable working there, maybe because I give off such a gloom and I feel terrible about it. I'd be happier to work alongside like-minded peers who are gaming nerds
  6. gamergirl

    gamergirl Well-Known Member

    i hate my job too. its partly what makes me suicidal.
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