Just had a quiet but happy NYE - lovely contact with family (the family I choose, not the one I was born in to) Now I'm on my own and I'd really like to die please. I have failed in so many ways and I'm not the woman I thought I would turn out to be. I have the method but I can't cope if it goes wrong. If it goes right I can't bear how it will affect my daughter. I worry about her mh and want to take her with me. Now she has dumped the bf that I loved I feel less guilty about thinking that. Why can't we just have an "off" switch? There's twenty paces between me and the method. It's calling me. Don't do it. Stay where you are. Breathe and wait for sleep (mini oblivion) I know that painkillers don't give a peaceful death but that is what I crave - to sleep and never wake up. Craved it since I was seven - 45 years ago. It's too long a time. Time it stopped. Time I stopped - living that is.