want to so bad. i deserve it (soz if triggerin)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by tappa, Jan 17, 2011.

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  1. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    i want to self harm so bad. i havent harmed in a few months but i want to punish myself. i want tht feeling bk. i deserve to b destroyed. cut into a million peices, burnt alive, battered and bruised and so on.
    i've recently tried starving myself (it hardly makes a diff as im overweight) but it takes so long to punish myself this way.
    i wana cut so bad and see the blood and the open wound. its so strong and the more i think about it the more i want it.
    grr
    im scared of the pain right now, becus i havent cut in a while. but i know wen i get into it everythin wil b ok and i wil b showin myself for wat i am.
    a wimp. pathetic. weak. useless. failure. so on. sure ya no.
    duno my tool yt.
    jus reli edgy atm thinkin bout it :/

    apologies guys jus tryin to throw sumat out there
     
  2. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    You don't deserve any of that. And you certainly don't deserve to be in such pain. I can really relate to how your feeling. I haven't self harmed in almost 2 years now. But I think about it a lot, and I want to do it. But I don't. It's tough, but you need to be strong. Just please, don't self harm. It may make you feel better for a few moments, but later, I think you will feel even worse. That's how it was with me. By the way, who cares if your overweight. You are a beautiful person. You are just plain flat out beautiful. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. If you feel like self harming, please, contact me. Send me a PM or a Visitor Message. If you want, I'll even give you my email.
     
  3. why..? I hoped you don't do that.. Go for a nice long jog/run to exhaust all your energy, sleep well and forget about all the negative stuffs..
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu deserve kindness compassion and only warm hugs okay Please do not start up again. If you want to feel pain use an ice cube on your skin it will hurt but not leave scars. You can listen to music take a warm bath call a friend okay PM me i am here but don't harm you hugs
     
  5. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    I certainly do not think you deserve that. Not at all. Do you have anyone you can talk to? :hugtackles:
     
  6. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    If u no me u wud !! lol
    im jus pathetic, like an ameba. do nothin. feel nothin.
    jus so frustrating and horrible and gta pretend everythin ok and go to work and come home to parents and pretend everythin ok. (i no i dont need to pretend but if im miserable ppl r like 'r u ok' and get all clingy but tht doesnt help makes me feel guilty too then!)
    and i gt plenty of appointments wiv help professionals if thts wat u mean.
    sigh.
     
  7. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    You are not pathetic. No way. I didn't mean so much with health professionals, I meant either with a friend, or The Samaritans, or even just with us here.
     
  8. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    gt a few friends tht know and i can tlk to but they cant change anythin only i can so i jus feel guilty and demotivated. only friend i gt tht understands its also depressed and suffering loads lately so has locked herself at home and wont let me see her. so not reli. i get the same answers from ppl whch isnt their fault cus they say the right stuff, its mine cus things dnt change. i dnt move forward. :(
    i reli a pathetic hun
     
  9. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    But you are not pathetic. You're poorly. If something isn't helping to make you better, do you think that you need to try something else? :hug:
     
  10. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    like wat? i've tried loadsa meds, councillin, therapies. the search for the right help is stil on going...but it takes sooo long. wiv no garantee of an answer / solution. livin through pain for a hope and a prayer
     
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