Feeling just a bit angry right now and it's just IDK, making me feel sad. I'm hurt that for the 11 years I've been seeking help, that I haven't had "NOT" one doctor that could put me on a treatment plan that could help me feel better. Maybe if just one had the faith in me that I was really sick, maybe I would not have ever reached the point of feeling this bad. It makes me mad that I have to take matters into my own hands. Getting online and ordering my own blood work, and ordering an immunosuppressive medication to see if that helps me feel better, and when it actually does work, I get told I can't have a prescription for it, not that I don't understand that, but still, I feel slightly pissed off. I know I can still get it regardless of their choices. But I'd like to have one by my side, one who would do blood work and stuff while I'm taking this, so I don't get seriously ill from it. It just feels like they'd rather let me lay around dog sick where I cannot stand my life instead of doing what it is they need to do to help me. And the more I think about it, the angrier I get !!!!!!!!!! Kinda want to take my foot and just shove it up a few rearends.