Want To Throw It All Away

[objectsinmirrors]

:help: i know it is unlikely to do anything but possibly fuck up my organs but i am very tempted to go swallow every pill i own right now (which is a considerable amount.) i have been very upset today. i don't want to die. but maybe death would be an added bonus. i'm angry again at the world. i fucking hate that its still fucking 80 degrees outside this late in september, because if it was in the low 50s i could be wearing sweaters daily, and could cut up my arms as much as i damn well please. fuck feeling like this. i am a fat stupid pathetic disgusting unloveable loser. and i'm sick of having a half decent day only to feel like complete shit. i won't bore you with all the details. i have a shit ton of reading to do tonight for class tomorrow, but all i want to do is start swallowing pills. where would that get me, you ask? well. probably it would get me to the emergency room. where i would or would not be treated for OD based on the severity of what i took, and then they'd stick me in a mental hospital. and then because i would have OD-ed in the dorms, my school will probably kick me out of the dorms, force me to take a leave of absence for at least a semester, or both, and i will be miserable, and hate myself, and have more incentive to get it right and kill myself while i'm ahead. because i have no where else to live around here, and living at home isnt good for me. yet it manages to seem so appealing. i worked so hard to get here and in about half an hour of taking pills, i could throw it all away. sounds like a great plan. :badday:

 

[TWF]

Why would you throw away what you've worked hard for? You've already gotten through one phase, now it's time for the next phase... in my eyes, whatever matters most to you keeps you alive. And nothing beats achieving your goals in the end, that has the potential to completely heal you.

 

[RedTears]

i understand the whole school thing. I attempted suicide on campus and was kicked out of the dorms and i had to drop out of college. I ended up staying in the hospital for 6 months, and I now live in a independent living program. I am so close to doing something, but if i cut or attempt suicide again, I'll be kicked out of my program. I don't want to screw up what ive got going here, but the urge is so strong. Stay strong, my friend.

 

[the_only_one]

if school really does get too much, talk to a counciler. some schools they can write you a pass off of class for a few days if you arnt really fit for it. hey, its worth a shot

 

[objectsinmirrors]

thank you very much for your replies. right now feels like a very good time to die. to throw it all away. redtears- i'm sorry you had to go through that ordeal.

 

[mulberrypie]

hey, i'm really sorry you feel so down and you weren't being helped earlier. i dont think people knew if you were being serious or not due to the stuff that went down beforehand. probably should always assume it's serious with that kinda stuff. i really hope you stay away from the pills, throw them, flush them, whatever. i understand what it's like to hate yourself. you aren't any of those things you mentioned. i hate that there's not much if anything i can do to help you, but i hear you. im always up to listen if you need need