Want to want to want to

I know exactly what I would have to do to die, and it is looking so good right now. I'm not sure if it's because I actually want to die or because I like the color. I'm sitting here staring and rearranging them and it's taking all of the little willpower I have left not to do it. I want to so bad. It's hard to stop myself. It wouldn't be fair to the group though. We have dress rehearsal tomorrow. Hmm. It's the same old place. Can't make a decision...but this time I want to and I'm trying to hold myself back. My brain likes things like that look pretty when they're arranged right.

 

The fact that you're not sure if you want to die should be reason enough not to harm yourself.

You say you want to make a decision, I think deciding to live is maybe a good place to start. We will do all we can to help you through this.

 

Why don't you put them away for now. If there is any doubt in your mind, then that says you still have hope for life. Please stay safe. :hug: