I have much appreciation this site. It has helped me thru some tough times in my life. After going thru three divorces, child support and custody hearings for the last twenty some years all I ever wanted to do was die. I am still considering it. Over the last year Ive had six heart attacks. Last week my Doctor put another stent in my heart and informed me that my heart will only last about another 6 months to a year. He said its to weak for open heart surgery and recommended me for a transplant. My mind is totally fried. I dont know what to think. The lady at UPMC transplant office said the list is long sometimes takes a year or two. Now I'm staring death in the face and if I think about it too much all I do is cry. I just feel like a body going thru the motions. The thought of someone else dying so I can live doesnt make me feel any better. Like I know I dont deserve it if I had the chance. On top of all that the doctor gave me that news infront of my mother. Now the world knows Im terminal. On one hand I want to live. And on the other hand I'm not prepared for the upcoming months and what is instore for me in the near future. I just had so much I wanted to do with life. I wanted a sailboat all my life and I finally got one. It seems my dreams have collapsed. I try to stay strong and not let anyone know how weak I am inside. Ive been more depressed now than I have ever been in my life.