i have a husband i love very much. he's saved my life over and over and i can never thank him enough for all the good he's done in my life. i have no desire to ever have another mate. but here's the stickler. sex. its pretty infrequent with us. i know some of it is him (tired after work, busy, not a very sexual person), and some of it is me (some underlying fears and baggage in regards to sex). but the problem lies in my sex drive. its high. i crave it. i think about it alot. even when i'm going through a phase where i'm revolted by it, i still neeeeed it. i've felt like this since i was in like 1st grade, hiding in my closet touching myself. i'm ashamed of the way i feel. i'm ashamed of my focus on sex. more then that i'm ashamed that i find myself wishing i could have anonymous meaningless 'fuck me' sex with strangers instead of with my husband. with him its connection, with him its love-making, with him it matters. but i can't get off properly with him cuz of all that. i need to have control. i need to not care about the enjoyment or satisfaction of my partner. i don't want to look them in the eye. i don't want them to kiss me. i want to be 'fucked'. i'm not into pain, or s&m, or any typical kind of control issues. it was good with my ex, i was never really in love with him. he lusted after me and i would turn him on just for kicks. i'd be a tease. i'd lead him on. then we'd go at it like bunnies. there was no love in the way so i didn't feel weighed down with baggage and worries, insecurities and fear. what is wrong with me? anyone ever felt this way? and does anyone have any advice on how to deal sexually in my marriage. I DO NOT WANT TO CHEAT OR LEAVE MY HUSBAND. i just want to be happy in my own marital bed. any ideas?