So many of us here want a loving relationship with someone else. Someone we can trust and someone that will love us unconditionally. We also want someone who will understand our struggles and weaknesses and rather than back away like most, they will stay by our sides and assist us through the hard times. But when we ask for a lover, is that "lover" really ourselves that we ask for? For me, there's been this burning desire to find someone who completes me all these years I've been depresed, but I know I struggle with self-hatred too. That's got to mean something deeper. I think my desperate need to love and accept myself has been displaced into an intense desire to find someone who will love me the way I wish I loved myself. I still want to believe that that perfect person is out there for me, but I am so messed up right now. My desire for love is really a cry for help in being able to love myself. I hate admitting this because I want to still believe I am ready for a relationship. I know I'm not. It's like a parent telling you that you can't have something you really think you want. The parent is right though. Heal first. I can and do have friends, but even my desire for close friendships goes back to my desire to love and accept myself. I put conditions on myself, I judge myself, I hate myself, I feel lonely, I want to accept my secrets, I want to feel beautiful and wanted, I find it hard to care for myself sometimes. I want all of these things to be fulfilled by friendships and relationships so badly that it's become an obsession. The hard pill to swallow is that no other person can do this for me simply because I am too weak to help and love myself. How does anyone overcome this because it's hard to tell when a desire for friendship or love is healthy, not dependent on my inadequacies. Because I have this displaced desire for self-love, I know that if a close friendship or love affair ended with someone, it would send me over the edge. If I was healthy and not so fragile, I'd be able to adjust and move on like a healthy person. That's what tells me that my mad desire for other people's love is a symptom my inability to love myself. Does anyone else struggle with this?