Wanting the pain to end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kittylover, Apr 12, 2013.

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  1. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    I live in constant pain from gender dysphoria. My mind is severely rejecting my male life. I'm on hormones, but I still look like a man, and it hurts so badly.

    I see my female friends and how pretty they are, and I've become incredibly envious. Seeing them feels like I'm being stabbed with pain.

    My transition has been a failure, and I give up. I just don't want to be around anymore.

    I wish I had the courage to off myself.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry


    are you feeling any better tonight?
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    With knowing very little on the subject, for which I apologise for. Why apart from how you feel do you think it is a failure? Apart from killing yourself which is not an option, what options are available to you?
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    It almost sounds as if the transition has been a failure as you haven't miraculously become a stunningly pretty woman. Do you want to be a woman or a Barbie doll? Women come in differing degrees of attractiveness. Being a woman involves far more than the external appearance.
  5. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    It's not being ugly so much as not looking like a woman. People just see a man in a dress, so to speak.
  6. HelgasAngel

    HelgasAngel Well-Known Member

    im guessing that particular degree of attractiveness (external) is important to her. Women should be hailed for everything else they can offer besides their looks, like their love and care and intelligence, but at the same they should also be hailed for their amazing curves, hair, eyes, everything that comes with being a woman. I think that's what kitty wants to achieve. I could be wrong though.
  7. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    It's 3 in the afternoon and I still haven't gotten out of bed other than to have an electrician fix something. I've been crying all day and wishing myself dead. I've been curled up in a fetal position, hugging a pillow and shivering while crying.

    This pain just never ends.
  8. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    That's quite accurate... =(
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