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Wanting To Be Depressed

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jakesaysrelax, Mar 3, 2012.

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  1. jakesaysrelax

    jakesaysrelax Member

    I haven't been on here in a while.

    Last time I was here I just started taking meds and was feeling a little better maybe.
    Right now, I quit taking the pills a little while ago, I felt like they were fogging up my head, and I also started to feel balanced and well enough in myself that I didnt need them so I weened off.

    I decided to come back because I have a new problem that I can't take anywhere else yet.
    I still want to be depressed. I've said it before and I've felt it before.

    I have ideas why I feel this way, but I wanted to know if anyone else has or ever has had this problem.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have grown comfortable with that feeling thats all hun you are not use to feeling well and stable I think many here feel comfortable in that zone of sadness but when they feel happy and well they get some fear coming that something will happen Your medication may have been to high if your mind was foggy hun you should talk to your doctor okay Hugs
  3. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    I can relate with you. I've beaten my depression (for the most part) for several years now, yet I still feel a sense of nostalgia for the sadness, as odd as it may be. One get's used to it, and as the poster above noted, you sort of become more comfortable because it's all you know. Frankly, I just embrace the sadness in small doses and then go about my life. It's a strange thing to cycle through it, but that's how it's been for me. I guess it's just a part of me.
  4. jakesaysrelax

    jakesaysrelax Member

    I dunno how I feel about it overall. Like I think maybe I just want it as an excuse, like if I still felt horrible I wouldnt have to go outside of my comfort zone, like total eclipse said.
    But at the same time I used to think this way even when I still had these problems.

    I just want it back sometimes, like I nostalgic for wanting to kill myself. I think Im just going to keep fighting it off.

    Thanks for input guys :)
  5. DrNick1010

    DrNick1010 Well-Known Member

    One thing I find amazing about human beings is that we have a tremendous ability to adapt to so many situations, yet we fear change. I'm still very much in the depths of depression, but I know what you mean. I think we always have some nostalgia for some aspect of the past, no matter how much we've had to go through to get here. It probably has something to do with our fear of the unknown future.
  6. Tough times

    Tough times Member

    I can't say I can relate... I don't want depression in my life.

    I find I'm of that saying, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't" as I read your posts.

    I wonder if there's a bit of a sense that if you know your depression is "on" in the background then it can't sneek up on you and hurt you more than you were prepared for.
  7. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    That is the case for me. Feeling relatively okay and on the upswing comes as a package deal with increased anxiety about when it will come back and how hard will it hit when it does. It is during those times that I am most inclined to self harm. Feel the need to control. Make pain and depression hit on my terms, under my control.

    However, I suspect that this feeling is not a legitimate period of eased depression, but rather a different manifestation of it with a stronger lean towards the nervous anxious end of it, as opposed to the more obvious numb hopelessness.
  8. prophetbirds

    prophetbirds Well-Known Member

    I definitely feel this way.

    I think that it's because for me, I feel the most true when I'm depressed or self harming. I feel like I can finally see clearly, not blinded by meds or fake feelings or the haze of others around me. I feel like when I'm alone and hating myself, it's the only thing that's ever been real in my entire life.
  9. Tough times

    Tough times Member

    Wow, interesting.

    I'm of the mindset that depression is an illness that ought to be cureable. I have a real fight with myself that I can't seem to beat it. I used to think periods of my life were just difficult and I managed to cope and push though. But in recent years I've come to recognize that I've actually had trouble with depression for decades now.

    Why I want it to stop is because I've only recently learned what it means to be suicidal. And it scares the hell out of me. I didn't know I could fall so low. I don't want to die, but my fear is one day I won't be able to help myself.

    There's only one life to live and I want mine to be a full life. I see depression as robbing me of that.
  10. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    It may not be cureable, but it is manageable with the right treatment strategy for you. For some that means meds, therapy or a combination of the two. For others it means fanatical exercise and throwing yourself into one particular type of interest or coping mechanism (a positive one) that allows you to cope and keep going forward with your life.

    have to try, if not for own sake but for our family's.
  11. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. I'm on meds for my depression, but a part of me doesn't want it to go away. I feel more like myself when I'm depreesed than when i'm not.
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