I have managed not to seriously cut now since the 12th November. I have done a couple of superficial but I feel as though I need to go deep. Need to feel the flesh tearing. It's something that is always there and then the urges get really strong. It's only a matter of time I feel! I try to keep occupied when the urges get really bad, I usually write on my blog about things and just have a rant. Tonight I am feeling so anxious that as I lie in bed I can feel my heart pounding so hard as all I can think of is the razor in my dressing table, already out of the sheath and broken up ready to use. I hate this. I hate the way it rules my life!