wanting to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fading_dreams, Aug 29, 2006.

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  1. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    all right, school just started, major stress, meeting new people, trying to make friends. feeling like friends are abandoning me. tryouts for the play tomorrow, which i would really like to do. but i don't know if i will get in. i just want to not have to think about any of this anymore. just slit my wrists, because i like to watch the blood. and then. i would be gone. no more pain. no more worries. no more anything. i want to. i really do. but. i don't know. i mean. if i got caught when i wasn't done. they would make a tremendously huge deal out of it. so i really don't know what to do. anything to help me not feel like this anymore.
     
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well in the beginning school is always stressful. especially if you are going to a new school. But once things get going things should settle down.

    I think that you are trying to do too much really. Settle down you have an entire year to make friends and stuff focus on the stuff that will directly affect your life... I don't know.... distract yourself as well play video games hide in the safe place we call our rooms....

    I don't know... try just letting the chaos of the first month or so go by you ok.
     
  3. neonspoon

    neonspoon Guest

    Break a leg on the audition for the play!
     
  4. Lavendere

    Lavendere Active Member

    School= Stress ALRIGHT!:dry:
    SO what your saying is ... you're falling apart because you don't want to think of school anymore.
    Stay optimistic!
    Who knows maybe you will get into the team:biggrin:
    DOn't you wanna see what your future holds?
    Which big company you'll be in charge of?
    Now how can i put this.
    If you die you won't remember the pain you went through right?
    SO why not live and find out what role you take in society.
    [i dunno if it works for you but it sure does for me, I really didn't know how to put it so if it didn't make any sense just ignore me:dry:]
     
  5. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    fading_dreams, I know how stressful it always is to start school, meeting new friends, new ppl.. Why do you feel like friends are abandoning you if I may ask? You don't need to answer.. just was wondering about why you feel that way..

    What will happen if you don't get into this play? But yet, maybe you will.. you don't know.. I love plays and was in drama in school.. I know it may seem like a life and death matter to you right now.. but maybe you need to take a little time since starting school is major stress and get settled first so that extra pressure isn't put up on you? If you feel up to it, go for it.. but if something happens, please hon, don't hurt yourself.. there will be other opportunities, I know.. Life can be full of disappointments and when one is dealing with stress as you stated, and I don't mean to be sound awful here.. sometimes one doesn't do their best.. so if you go out for this play and I am not sure what time zone you are in.. it may have happened already.. I hope that you get the part but in the meantime.. will this send you over the edge? Since starting school is major stress and what you stated about your friends?
    I am not trying to discourage you at all.. but then there may be major stress added on to your other stressors getting use to going to school and meeting new ppl and getting settled.. just a thought... learning your lines, concentrating, etc. go for it if you think you can handle it but if it is going to lead you to hurting yourself, and I hate to say it, then maybe let this one go.. ?? I know that is difficult.. you need to take care of yourself first.. I know and have been there often myself in the past only to be let down because I didn't do the best I knew I could do because of the stress I was under.. and feeling self-destructive.

    I love plays and acting.. music.. what play is it? Okay, worst case scenario, if something happens and you don't get it.. safety plan.. don't hurt yourself, pls talk to us or somebody that you trust.. best case.. you will get the role.. just remember that there will be other plays to audition for also when you are more settled.. some ppl work better under stress, I know.. and others may not... please don't take that as a rejection at all but take care of yourself. And it doesn't mean the reflection on you that you aren't good at it.. First day of school can be very stressful and new ppl.. going back to my concern, if you don't mind, why do you think your friends are abandoning you?

    I hope for the best for you and that you will be able to get through this.. I hope it all works out for you.. Do the best you can.. rememember there are many actors/actresses today who are famous but were told in the beginning that they would never amount to anything at all at acting.. It is good to know that. you are not alone in this field.. just because if something happens, doesn't mean that you aren't good at all.. Just do the best you can but don't overload yourself, okay? And please don't hurt yourself either.. there will be many other opportunities for you.. easy for me to say.. yeah.. I know.. and hard to realize.. you will do fine.. but don't overload yourself.. I am an overachiever and I have done the same thing.... Let us know what happens and talk to us.. I believe in you and know you can do it.. but I also know you are under alot of stress it sounds like at the same time... so I hope you will talk to us.. and continue talking to us..or feel free to PM me anytime.. Good Luck and break a leg as they say!! Just try to remember not to get in over your head too because that sets one up for hurting themself.. have been there many times.. myself.. Lean on us to help you through.. and talk you through it..

    Love

    Gitana
     
  6. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Hi! I hope things went well. If you haven't tried out yet then break a leg! if you have let us know how it went. Honestly unless you are in a private performing arts school where you are getting the real deal serious training I wouldn't worry too much about highschool drama. It's a good starting ground for some but I never took drama in school. And showbusiness is a painful field for all in it. Even the greatest get insulted and put down ona regular basis so don't take it hard if you don't make it. i'll tell you the same thing that was told me do it because you love it and not to be famous. If you take that to heart you may find you will perform a lot better. I will also share that life experiences, especially the hard ones, are great things to go back to when we are performing a role. Thay can be very helpful in many respects.

    As far a school stress. Well it can be very stressful expecially if you are taking AP and college classes while still in highschool as I was. I didn't start acting classes till recently and actually by chance some good things have happened over the past six months and I think it's because I'm at a point in my life where I'm not getting the same stress i had in school and acting has become a major release for me.

    Hang in there. Keep going. Glad you are stepping out. :hug:

    Mia
     
  7. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    nope, i haven't tried out yet. but i just found out that there are only a couple literally a couple parts where you don't have to sing. and i'm not really sure if i'm good enough at drama to get into them. the thing with this play is (it's 7 brides for 7 brothers, by the way) i think it is partly phsycological. because last year i tried out for a play and i tried out for basketball and i didn't make it into either of them. and i haven't really made it into anything that i tried out for. so i think part of this is trying to prove to myself that i don't have to just sign up for things that you don't try out for. i want to be accepted into something because i'm me. and i know that is a lot of pressure to put on a high school play, but i didn't realize iwa s doing it until just now. and plus, i really love to act. and i would enjoy working in the play. i would love to be in it. it would really be so neat! it's just that i can't sing. so... yeah, that could be bad. and my friends they just moved farther away and so i don't see them very much anymore. and that's hard. and i think they are just moving on in life. it seems like they are always hanging out with a different crowd than me and seem really distant when i try to talk to them. yeah.
    and i am also, in addition to all of the first day of school stress, though the first day of school is over now, i have the stress of trying to find a new counselor. because i think that i really need to get one. yesterday i cut on my wrist. it wasn't.... exactly suicide, though i wouldn't have been disappointed if it had been serious, but still. i've already tried once. and i don't want. i don't know what i want or dont' want right now.
    but thank you for replying, i will keep you up to date. i didn't cut myself yesterday, but i was just in such a blue funk, it was. terrible. and i'm having trouble sleeping and that makes me irritable too. yeah it's a bunch of stuff. so, yeah. i will let you all know how things work out, and i will come here and post before i cut to try and get rid of the urge.
     
  8. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    i made a mistake, i did cut yesterday. i am not that proud of it, but i didn't want to get congratulations that i know that i don't diserve.
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well honesty is best thanks for telling us. It happens sometimes you know.
     
  10. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    fading_dreams, we are still here for you regardless. Thank you for telling us. I know that it is hard to do. I know self harm is hard whether it be cutting or anything else when one feels the urge.. i am glad you are here.

    i hope things go well..seven brides for seven brothers.. i love the play and the movie.

    It sounds like you have alot on your plate right now. You are not a failure because you weren't picked for anything. I have been there many times too and it is more than a disappointment but do the best you can. It is very difficult and what I do is remember how many times an actor/actress failed at getting a part time and time again, and now are famous.. I know that may not help or like Disneyland, Walt Disney was a failure at first but still had a dream in his heart to make it work somehow.

    Do it for the fun of it. But it may be better to take some time until you can focus enough to put your energy into something like a play... You don't want to overwhelm yourself too much. But if you feel up to it.. give it your best shot.. and no matter what.. I am just worried that you may overwhelm yourself too much and feel more like a failure, getting situated with school, and your studies too.. yet for some ppl, doing something one loves, may help to take one's mind off of other problems for awhile but remember it is alot of work too. Do you think you can handle it at this time? I know.. I would love to be in that play too.. One of my favs.. I know it is easy to say that there will be other opportunities but first you may need to work through some of the stress you are dealing with.. It would be good to talk to a counselor too and maybe he/she can help..

    I am not trying to discourage you.. I hope you do well.. and want you to do so.. not set yourself up if it doesn't work out if you are overwhelmed to much already..

    Take some acting classes too.. You say that you aren't a great singer.. but you can maybe take some voice lessons if that is your passion also later.. or just stick to the speaking parts.. A little at a time.. I have a friend, I haven't seen for awhile, and she is in plays, musicals, and she could sing okay but not great at all, then she took voice lessons from the person who directs the plays and I went to one of her plays a couple years ago..and she finally got a solo part.. Awesome.. she came a long ways too and her acting skills as well..
    Just some things to think about.. Keep practicing.. You will do great and will find what is good for you, whether it is sports or acting.. or both.. but you also need to take care of yourself first so that you won't be overwhelmed and overstressed because that can also influence what you go into and you won't be at your best.

    Hope you find a good counselor and I will keep my fingers crossed and be thinking about you and hoping it all work out for you... Try not to be discouraged but keep trying to go forward and keep us informed..

    Thinking of you..

    Love

    Gitana
     
  11. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    well, i can't sing. especially not in public. and i was told that there were non-singing parts in this musical, even if it is a musical. therefore, it was assured that you wouldn't have to sing for the rehearsal if you weren't trying out for a singing role. therefore i didn't practice the song. and all this leads up to today, the day of the auditions. when i found out that every single person, whether or not they are trying out for a singing role, must sing in front of everyone... so therefore, i couldn't do it. i have chronic fear of singing. not really , i don't even know if that is a disease, but... yeah. i literally cannot sing in front of other people. nothing comes out. so i just didn't go to the auditions. i mean, what was the point of going if i couldn't try out? sop that is how it turned out. and now i am angry and disappointed, and frustrated that they are making eveyrone sing, even if they aren't going to do it during the play. all i wanted was to do something fun. i wanted to be in a play. but no. maybe next year. maybe the year after. i love acting, i do it for the fun of it. i even like memorizing lines and stuff like that. you would think if someone loves something, that the school could do a musical and a play or something like that, to give the non-musical people a chance to play. maybe i will just sign up for the band. but still, i am so ticked!!!! i just want to... well, never mind what i want to do. but, i am just so stinking angry!
     
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