Last Monday night (10/08), my brother-in-law took his own life by hanging himself at his parents home. My little sister is now a twenty-seven year old widow with two beautiful kids ages two and seven. They were married for seven years. He had always been physically, verbally and mentally abusive to my sister and in all honesty I hated him for it. You know how sometimes you can just tell that some people are downright evil? I honestly felt ire for him from the first time I laid eyes on him. Especially when he started having eyes for my sister. Well, they weren't dating long before she got pregnant and decided to marry him. And no matter how many people told her that she didn't 'have' to, she did. She said that she didn't want her baby to group with a single parent and at that time she still trusted him I think. I don't know how many times I saw him out with other women while she was at home pregnant, or how many bruises my sister got from 'falling down', or 'running into things'. I later found out he was the cause. My niece, at only four years old told me crying how daddy hit mommy and knocked her over the back of the couch at their apartment. I even told my sister many times just to let me at him, but she, like many other confused girls, said that he didn't mean it, he loved her, it would never happen again, etc... They ended up having another child - my sister loves being a mother - who was born with all sorts of medical problems and had his first surgery when he was only days old and has many more to come. And no matter how many times that darling boy would smile at him or reach for him or coo, my brother-in-law would just look digested and walk away. He was actually ashamed of his own child and even said many times that he was 'wasting his hard earned money'. I never did see him show that child any love whatsoever - ever. Those kids loved their daddy, and he should them none in return. My little niece was petrified of him. She was always so afraid he was going to get mad at mommy again. The poor thing even started hyperventilating and crying once because my sister misplaced her cell phone and she didn't want her daddy to find out because he'd hurt mommy. Through all of this, my sister loved him. When I went to be with her after I got the call, she seemed almost relieved, and guilty at the same time, but in disbelief that anyone could do that to their own children. She had even told him earlier that day that if he didn't make an effort, she was leaving him for good. He did have Bipolar Disorder and had had mental issues with it his entire life. And he had been taking medication to help him. But she said he had stopped taking it days ago and was worse than ever. She had moved in with our mama last week and he was there off and on. But the day he died, he came over screaming at her and then left completely calm - as if nothing had happened. She told mom that she was scared that he was going to come back and hurt my mom, herself or the kids. He even called once he got to his parents house and said he was going to kill himself. He had been in the habit of threatening to do this for as long as I can remember, but my sister still called his mother after he hung up the phone. But she chose to 'let him have his privacy' and said that he was always better if he could be left alone. She was the one that found him. Here is my problem. I felt nothing for him when my sister called me. Absolutely nothing. I hated (and hate) him so much for what he had done to my sister. And now I hate him even more for doing this. I have never been so angry at someone in my entire life and not been able to do anything about it. And I can't see to find anyway of forgiving him in my heart. And it is a horrible thing for me to be having such terrible thoughts about the dead. I hope he suffered, I hope he's suffering now... I just need help to find forgiveness and not to feel such anger and hatred towards him. I thought that maybe someone on here would have some advice or words of wisdom for me. My sister has always had a close relationship with God and I believe that she already has found forgiveness. She is a strong women and I love her very much. No matter how I felt about this man, I didn't want things to end this way - no one ever does. Thanks so much for listening to me. I didn't know where else to turn - I know I came to the right place. Thank you.