Wanting to go back

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ruby, Apr 14, 2008.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Is it normal for someone to want to go back to being younger. I want to go back to when I was 16, in child services and in school. I want to go back to being a 'child'. I want people to treat me like i'm still young and senseless. I want people to care for me like they did then. I want someone to take me back in time so that I can experience everything all over again. I want to go back to the adolescent unit with all my old friends. I want people to say, ''oh, she's only young''. I don't want to be an adult because it makes me feel like i'm alone in my thoughts, trapped inside my head. I want people to take me seriously, just like they did back then. I want people to see that I still feel bad. I want to cut my arms and show others. I want to shout out, scream out that I want people to care. I want to feel safe and secure again. I guess that now i'm 20 people care less. I'm an adult now so I shouldn't behave in such ways now. I shouldn't cut my arm anymore, I should be over the voices that I hear, I shouldn't feel suicidal, I should be able to cope now that i'm older.. but I can't and people can't seem to see that. I want to go back to 2004 so badly that it hurts when I think about it. I was young then, I had everybody caring for me. It couldn't be any less like that now. I'm alone and nobody cares anymore.
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Ruby, I feel the exact same way. I want to go back to when I was just a little kid. Not because I was "happy" because I wasn't. But I did feel a sense of safety that I no longer feel. I was always a little grown up. I was very responsible and just wanted to please everyone. I guess I never got the real childhood that most kids get. I don't blame anyone for that except myself. I could try and blame my mom but it isn't really her fault. I'm responsible for my own actions... even my own feelings. But I want to be taken care of. I guess I'm sick of being the person taking care of someone else because I always felt like my mother's mother. I didn't feel like her daughter very often at all. But now I feel like since I'm 18 now I should be over all the things that hurt me in my past... the things that still hurt and trigger me today. That things shouldn't bother me like they used to and I should be able to just deal with everything. It really sucks and makes me feel like an idiot because I can't. :(
  3. Dying embers

    Dying embers Well-Known Member

    God, yes. I'm identical to you, except I'd go back to 2002 when I was 14. Back then I didn't feel like the plaster had set, back then I was different every day, and I could be as childish and emotional as I wanted without responsibility. Now I'm 20, I feel about twice my age, I'm so tired and dull and noone notices because I'm an adult, so I guess it's normal :sad:
  4. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    I'd like to go back to being 17, just temporarily. I don't want to be a kid again, but I've just been told that as I am eighteen and therefore an adult, I can't get any help in moving away from a dangerous situation at home, but must do it myself. I have no money, and nowhere to go. It's amazing how everything changes on that one day when your age changes. Oddly enough though, your entire situation doesn't change on that day, so you're left with more responsibility, but without the new resources needed to cope with it.
  5. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    I could have written that myself lol, I feel exactly the same :mellow:
  6. Yeah..I want to go back too. It makes me sad to think I can't....that what I had is lost and i'll never get a chance to feel the same way.

    I'd go back to when I was 13 and in 8th grade... I wasnt happy..but I accepted that... I was naive... I had "friends".. I was doing well in school.... I was still athletic enough to show up the little girls and some of the guys in P.E.....I had a guy who was mentoring me, trying to get me to stop being depressed and self-harming...he made me cd's with his favorite bands...encouraged me to come to him if i felt particularly upset.

    I was able to manage my life and video games.... I had a girl who loved me, or was clever enough to make me think she truly loved me. She wrote me poetry...and mind fu**ed me so badly (though that didnt fully effect me until a few years later).

    Yeah, I wish I could go back.... more than I can emphasize to anyone....
  7. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I wish I could go back in time and change a whole lot of horrible mistakes I've made.
  8. I want to go back to 1993, when I still had hope for the future.
  9. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    i want to go back to when i was about 7, was so happy then nearly the whole time
  10. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    i've never wanted to be an adult because adults were equivalent to people who didn't think (or perhaps feel or were sensitive enough) or with abuse or control.

    i know i'm a human being though with responsibilities over myself and how i effect others. this means though that sometimes i am going to yell when i think people have crossed the line, ie, internet stalkers.

    it's perfectly fine to want to be a child or be a baby and want to be taken care of. if you're in mental/emotional distress a lot goes back to childhood or instances where people who were supposed to care for you either didn't, abused your trust/body/boundaries and you're left with that sense of complete hopeless despair and emptiness. one of the parts that has grown within me over the last 6 months is 'parent me' which is me looking after/soothing myself better.

    i have anorexia and part of why i need to be little and small i think is to do with that thing of not wanting to be part of a certain world (of abusers, of domination power and control over others). but in another way i hate how my size effects how people think they have the right to dominate or patronise me in public or in psychiatric wards because i 'look very young to be there' so i'll talk to you 'like you're my child.' i don't look young to myself anyway. i think i look worn out. .

    i've always got on with young children better or with people like my girlfriend and someone else (you chris) who are honest and have a certain sweetness/sincerity/love about them.
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