wanting to go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Avarice, Dec 13, 2010.

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  1. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    i need to get out of here my mum has been at me all day.. every little thing today has ended in her shouting at me, telling me im useless, a selfish bitch, nasty over little things like her losing the remote control or me not answering the front door when she usually shouts at me if i do.. and i dont mean just shoutibg at me ttoday shes been screaming, throwing things, even said 'i hope you elextrocute yourself' and it really hurts >_< im suicidal as it is and she knows that but she doesnt care. i tried --
     
  2. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    that's a really bad day but you dont have to turn to suicide, how a bout you just sit and chat to me for a bit? sound like a plan? :)
     
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    (sry on my phone and theres a txt limit) -- to get dressed and leave the house to go idk where but she locked the door and took the keys so i cant leave the house now even to get swsy from her. we live in a flat and share a room with her so shed everywhere i go ive had enough of my family i want to fucking get run over or somethig anythng awy from them all >_<called my dad earlier to see how he was and he told me to fuck off. i burst into tears in frnt of my mum just now when she was shoutng at me and she -
     
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    - went to bed and left me shes no fuckin mother shes a spiteful bitch and if i had somewhere elde to live i would isc about my anxiety anymore being around her maked me feel like complete crap. she treats me like a punch bag and she knows i have depression why does she do this to me? >_< i wish i were dead i really do
     
  5. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    ok Hun how old are you? cos you may be able to get out of there with help, it doesn't sound like a nice environment and you really shouldn't be there, also you say you have depression, are you taking any meds to balance yourself out?
     
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Im 20 years old i know i sound act look about 15 but i dont think i can get any help. she only got this bad once i dropped out of uni and was diagnosed with depression. i do take meds but they dont work seeing my doc wednesday to get more or better medication >_<
     
  7. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    oh cool finally someone closer to my age lol I'm 21, I've only just been put on meds today for my issues, and so far they seem to work ok even though it's only been a day, ask about citalopram on wednesday, that's what I'm on :) also at 20 years old you can most definately move out and get away from that hellhole, and the council and authorities is legally forced to help you, there's other options hun so please dont hurt yourself or anything, I'm always here so you can inbox me anytime you want and I do mean ANYTIME :) and I'm quite a random person so the chances of me making you laugh and smile are quite high :p just letting you know that even though u dont know you I'm ALWAYS here :)
     
  8. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    thanks you for taking the time to reply to me i always get the feeling that other people here dont like me >_< imm on citalopram atm have been for 5ish months but its not doing anything for me & am on 30mg now. i will pm you at some point and you already made me smile with that so thank you :) feeling a bit better so may just sleep this headache off and think clearer about moving options in the morning >_< thank you again i appreciate your help, most people ignore me. be well & glad your meds are working!
     
  9. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    ok Hun sleep well and I'll talk to you whenever, remember there's always a better solution than suicide :) x
     
  10. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    more of it today.. shes been bitching about me to her friend that came down today.. says i dont do anything. i do tons of things to freakin help and well maybe i dont do more cause she never appreciates a single thing i do anyway. i made myself a sandwhich, and she shouted at me and called me selfish for not making her one.. after what she has said all day today and yesterday?? who does sshe think she is?!!? she cant tell me she hopes ill die and then expect me to make her a fucking sandwhich! i wish shed fuck off for good, im better off without her entirely tbh id love to see her face when she finds me dead someplace and realises what a freakin bitch she has been this whole time. hate her guts the malicious little cow

    on top of that now my best friend has pissed off and doesnt care wtf happens to me anymore. i asked him for his address to send a card and present and i think he gave me a false address and nw i askd for it again cause i lost it he doesnt even bother to reply. everyone in my life is full of shit and i hate each and every one of them
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2010
  11. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    ok calm down, talk to me, from what I've read it sounds like your mum is the more screwed up person, she clearly has alot of issues that she projects o to you and this is completely wrong of her, you don't want to die, the way to show her what an asshole she is is to get yourself out of there and make an amazing life for yourself, which you can totally do, are you from the uk? just wondering cos I can give you some more specific advice if you are :)
     
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    thing is she does do a lot, but thats mostly because of my brother. he works and does nothing around the house because of it, like literally he doesnt even take his dinner plate out after him he just leaves it there for my mum to collect. she cleans his room, does his bed, his washing, etc., and he's older than me - 22! so she does a LOT for him and takes everything out on me, even once when he didnt turn a light off after him I got shouted at for not doing it for him.. :/ i wish i could get out of here buts its really not that simple >_< see i have avoidant personality disorder and am VERY dependant on my mum for everything -- she makes all my phone calls, appointments, i cant leave the house without her (or another close family member) by my side. its kinda like a complete cut off from society, i cant do it without someone next to me. so if i leave i'll be completely alone, paranoid, and will just shut down. living alone is like my worst nightmare but i have nowhere to stay or anybody to stay with >_< i dont have a job because of my difficulties. i do live in the UK yes, in london to be precise. it feels like im stuck here for good.
     
  13. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    ok well maybe you don't have to leave the house, I'm sure you can do things on the Internet or get a 3rd party to do it for you, I know in London there are organisations are there to help people in your situation, I myself al from Ealing in west London and the housing offices on this side have special advice sections to give people with special circumstances the help they need, there is always a way hun
     
  14. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Serious? o_O im from ealing too! actually, northolt, which is in the borough of ealing. i dont know where to start >_< do i have to go to the housing offices or can i contact them via the net? i dont really have a 3rd party that would be willing to do that for me.. and if my mum found out she might lock the door again or stop me from leaving. im seeing my doctor tomorrow and then my sister is coming round so i plan on talking to them about it. though my doctor is religious and when i mentioned that my mum treats me badly and i think she doesnt love me he told me i was wrong x__x even tho he doesnt know her. sheesh. hopefully they can help i hope
     
  15. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    no way!! I used to go to west London academy when it was called Compton, I'm from greenford, and yea you can contact them on the net I'm sure of it, or alternatively contact the citizens advice beureu through the internet and they can give you all the help you need and put you in touch with all the right people and your mum never has to find out :)
     
  16. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I know where that school is! O: its a short bus ride away on the E10 or some other busses i've forgotten the numbers for now! i went northolt high school :) i think I'll try that thank you. most people dont believe me when I tell them what my mums like though -- shes like that lady off of keeping up appearances, she's nice as pie to outside people and always keeps up appearances, but beneath shes quite nasty and vindictive. >_<
     
  17. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    no worries I'm happy to help, and I have no reason to disbelieve you about your mum, I know alot of women like that, it's sad really cos there's really no need for it, I believe that whatever issues someone has shouldn't be imposed onto a child in any form, and on a lighter note, your 20 and I'm 21, which means we were in school at the same time and probly in the same year group and seeing as Compton and northolt are lifelong enemies and we had plenty if "beef" in the past including an epic firework war in 03/04, I'm pretty sure we probly know a few of the same people :)
     
  18. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I think its because shes going through menapause or something like that, although she was quite mean when I was younger too. she once left me and my brother (whos a year and a half older than me) at my dads for the weekend as usual, then didnt bother to pick us up for two weeks while she went off on holiday with her boyfriend without telling us. my dad had to take loads of time off work to look after us. we were only about 10. >_< shes such a crap mother i hate that people dont realise that. im glad you believe me though, im just glad she doesnt hit me, cause i dont take pain too well.

    haha ohh!! yes i heard a lot of bad tales about your school back in the day! chances are we DO know a lot of the same people, i can think of a few that used to go to your school that i used to know already :p how cool is that! most people on this site are from far far away so its cool to know someone local! :)
     
  19. tiredfighter

    tiredfighter Well-Known Member

    that really sounds like a horrible experience, have you spoke to your doctor about this aswell? cos a lot of the time things like that can traumatise children, do you have abandonment issues also? tell me to shut up if I get to inquisitive, I'm just like that by nature :)
     
  20. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    It's alright I'm exactly the same way -- I ask a lot of questions to people about their lives out of pure curiosity/interest but most people tend to get fed up with me because of it. uhhm, I suppose I do have some issues of that nature, but then I always have ever since I could remember. when I was very young, as young as 3 or 4 I remember never being able to be in a room on my own. if the last remaining person left the room for a drink/the toilet i'd follow them out, i was far too frightened of being alone, even to the point that i couldnt go to the toilet alone so had to have people come with me. im not sure why that was though because i dont remember ever being abandoned or any similar occurance happening before that. i havent told my doctor many details, because as soon as i go to bring it up he tells me my parents love me and that i'm wrong and then closes the matter. hes very uhm.. idk. treats me like a child. but most people do. maybe based on my looks.
     
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