I have just about reached the end of what I can take. I have been chronically depressed for the last 10 years. I have severe neck and back pain for the last 6. Doctors cannot tell me why or any way to stop it. My wife is leaving me. She came home drunk and hit me after making it clear she was giving up on our marriage. I have lost my wife, my best friend, my family, my social circle, my way of life, my dog, my home, my motivation. Found out she was pregnant with my child after we separated and then she had an abortion. So now I have lost my child as well. I cannot handle any more. I cannot sleep. Therapy and drugs do not help. All I do is cry and feel anxious. I want to be dead. I am trying to get the courage to kill myself. I have a shotgun and I want to <mod edit - methods>. I just cannot convince myself to do so. I know I do not want to live. I keep hoping for an accident. I think about <mod edit - methods> and hoping that will kill me. I hope a drunk driver hits me. I hope I get mugged and murdered.