So much has been going on lately. Kitten (Tammy) got spayed, and so now she has a lampshade so to speak (elizabethan collar) on her neck to stop her biting her stitches. 10 days with her locked up inside and away from her brother Thomas. Hubby is still really sick, he has spent most of today in bed, with brief periods up for bathroom stops, coffee and food. I'm been up half the day with gastric reflux and the pressure from it in my chest is annoying and painful. Went on meds for it over a week ago, they are helping much. Still studying and getting on with the fourth assignment, due on the 14th plus one more after that due the 21st Feb. Nearly finished the course. Next course has arrived already. Hubby has his specialist apt on Thursday and his sister is coming from out of town to take him. He can't walk anywhere now and we don't have a car. My specialist apt is on the following Thursday not sure I want to go. I've had to take over everything in the house. All housework and outside work. The other day I starting mowing the lawns again. Worrying my pain levels are going to get out of control again and annoyed I can't work and we never seem to have money for things we need. Groceries last week I had $80 to spent for the two of us, plus the cats. Not sure if I'll make it back on here after Thursday for a while. Might be a little sad, hubby's apt is real important, but he won't let me go in with him. He gets to find out on his own if he has cancer or not and what they can do. He will make the decision of what he will allow them to do and I have to just accept it. I can't stand the thought of loosing him. The other day we had a little argument and he said that maybe we should break up because he wasn't going to get any better. I'm so sad and angry and lonely. I don't get to spent time with anyone anymore, my hubby lies in bed all day and I do housework and sit here on the computer. No money to go out, rent DVD's or get goodies to eat. No money for me to go to doctor if I need to. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. It's only the pain that tells me I do. And I've started to wonder if my hubby still loves me. It's only been a year since we got married, but we've been thru so much and the pain of everything is tearing my apart. I just want to know that "I still exist". There is so much pain to endure to not know someone else notices you.