its been almost 2 years since ive cut, but lately ive been getting really strong urges to cut. and i don't really know why all of the sudden i want to...and i don't really know how long i can keep these thoughts without acting on them. But once i start i know i wont be able to stop. Plus, its almost summer and it was always hard for me to hide the cuts, burns,etc in the summer. but i don't really care about anything anymore...so i might. im just tired of fighting everything. im ready to finish this race. im just tired of running in constant circles coming back to right where I started. Im not moving forward or accomplishing anything in this life. im only taking up oxygen and space on this planet. i know ill never amount to anything great and i dont want to keep living on like this..struggling each day just to not want to die or think about dying. what kind of crap life is that? ill never be happy or satisfied with life. and yeah i know you'll say one day you will find happiness...blah,blah. maybe ill find temporary happiness, but never permanent happiness. people and places change but this one things always remains the same. it will NEVER change..trust me. now, i don't know if i have the courage to kill myself. eventually, maybe i will. energy, not right now. so, im not talking crazy here. Im not going to do it tonight, or tomorrow, or even next week probably. But, when its time and im ready...i will leave this world of hell behind and hopefully find peace and have no more sorrow wherever i may go. im tired and coming to the end of this road and i don't feel like finding another side road that leads to nowhere. i don't even know if ill keep coming on this site. i feel like in the end it wont make a difference. and i cant help anyone on here either. i can't help someone else and tell them to be strong and don't hurt themselves when i want to. i want to die..but i don't want anyone else to...how selfish is that?