Wanting to self harm

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by foreverYoung180, Mar 29, 2010.

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  1. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    its been almost 2 years since ive cut, but lately ive been getting really strong urges to cut. and i don't really know why all of the sudden i want to...and i don't really know how long i can keep these thoughts without acting on them. But once i start i know i wont be able to stop. Plus, its almost summer and it was always hard for me to hide the cuts, burns,etc in the summer. but i don't really care about anything anymore...so i might. im just tired of fighting everything. im ready to finish this race. im just tired of running in constant circles coming back to right where I started. Im not moving forward or accomplishing anything in this life. im only taking up oxygen and space on this planet. i know ill never amount to anything great and i dont want to keep living on like this..struggling each day just to not want to die or think about dying. what kind of crap life is that?

    ill never be happy or satisfied with life. and yeah i know you'll say one day you will find happiness...blah,blah. maybe ill find temporary happiness, but never permanent happiness. people and places change but this one things always remains the same. it will NEVER change..trust me. now, i don't know if i have the courage to kill myself. eventually, maybe i will. energy, not right now. so, im not talking crazy here. Im not going to do it tonight, or tomorrow, or even next week probably. But, when its time and im ready...i will leave this world of hell behind and hopefully find peace and have no more sorrow wherever i may go. im tired and coming to the end of this road and i don't feel like finding another side road that leads to nowhere.

    i don't even know if ill keep coming on this site. i feel like in the end it wont make a difference. and i cant help anyone on here either. i can't help someone else and tell them to be strong and don't hurt themselves when i want to. i want to die..but i don't want anyone else to...how selfish is that?
     
  2. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    dont feel bad. well i cant say that. im such a hypocrite. i say the same things to people, you have so much to live for, etc, etc, but i dont believe it myself. i tell people they cant die yet, but i want to. selfish, eh? but what other way is there. we dont want to live, but honestly i dont want anyone else to die of they still have a chance? who in the end can decide who should or shouldnt live?
     
  3. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    i dont think its so much hypocritical...for me if i think i thought if i kept telling other people "you are strong,you can make it, etc.." i thought i might actually believe it myself. i definitely dont want anyone to die. everyone has the chance to live its just a matter of taking that chance. but sometimes thats easier said than done.
     
  4. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    yea i'll agree with that :)
     
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