this is my first post. im in my 30s and a single father. i live with my folks. my dad is retired long a go due to heart problems. my mother works 2 jobs and never shuts up about it. i myself am off work with depression/anxiety and have zero desire to ever go back. now,i get constant shit from my folks about how i "never used to be like this" etc etc... truth is...the root of my problem is i was molested by a filthy bastard when i was younger,and ever since it has i guess distorted my outlook on life... people mean nothing to me, my son and maybe a few friends ofcourse....the rest,i feel nothing for... today i heard my folk moaning as usual,my mother was going on that i sit on my arse in my room. however she doesnt understand that i cant fuckin stand to be around people who are gonna ask me dumb questions all the time. i know they think "oh theres nothing wrong with him" etc etc....and i should maybe just get a grip. at night i cant sleep,i lie awake with my brain on fire thinking about stuff. then im tired all day and have no interest in anything. today i felt like running down stairs and just screaming that the reason i am such a negative moody bastard is cos i constantly have a picture of myself as a kid sucking a guys cock... and its imprinted on my mind. 24/7 sorry to be so vulgar...but i feel like screaming this at them then maybe they would just not say a damn word to me or about me again. my folks are naive beyond words..."nothin like this happened in our day,all these pedophiles" that is a typical line they might use if watching some tv reports or whatever. my son is 11,and ofcourse he will never find out about my childhood.im also very protective of him.he is the only thing that keeps me alive...and if anything happens to him....then its game over. simple as that. i am going to see a therapist soon,my doctor knows some details but not all..he just kept signing me off work. i feel preasured now though...as i f i should just go too hell with it,try and forget the past and get on with my monotonous dead end job acheive nothing just to keep my parents from talking shit. oh...and i owe thousands to the bank due to comfort shoping..i also do comfort clearance too....throwing out stuff i bought (figure that one out!!) so the idea of me and my son being able to move out is just not possible....if it is id do it right now. sorry for this rant.... but sometimes i really want to scream at my folks and say "do you have any fuckin idea the shit that plays like a film in my mind all day,every fuckin day!" if anyone can help..id appreciate it. thanks oh,and by the way....i hope this forum is private... i dont want to google and find my post on the net for all to see. internet makes me very paranoid. keep my email address away from everyone.