Wanting what i can't have..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Kobosis, Mar 2, 2016.

  1. Kobosis

    Kobosis Member

    So let jump straight into things.

    So i am 22 years old and have a girlfriend of 6 months and to be honest i can't love her anymore than i do. she is my world and i can't see my life without her... i just want to get that out of the way first so i don't come of as more of a bad guy than i'm already about to, here goes.

    So i have a massive crush on a childhood friend.. she is just everything i don't want in a girl and i honestly don't see the attraction, but over the past few weeks i have been having really impure thoughts towards her and even struggling to sleep over it. She brings out the worst in me, i don't often get into bother with anyone or anything but when i'm even just hanging with mutual friends i find we flirt a lot

    I honestly don't know what to do.. i refuse to break up with my girlfriend and as much of an ass that i feel and sound like i am but i just don't know what to do because every thought process i go through seems to bring me further and further down into a slump and makes me feel like the worst possible human being.

    I don't want sympathy as most people on here are either going to think i'm a douche or just a generally bad person.. but we all have emotions and they don't always make sense.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am not judging you. It's very human to get those feelings even while you're in a relationship. However, it's about whether or not you act on it or not.

    From what you wrote it sounds like while there's a physical attraction to your childhood friend, you have a strong connection to your girlfriend.

    Perhaps you should try to do a 'pros and cons' list for both women? And make a decision based on that?
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Are you having sex with your girlfriend? And when you say crush on this other girl do you mean just sexual impulses toward her or like an urge to date her, talk to her, spend time with her in a non physical way? No judgement - just trying to better understand the situation :)
  4. Kobosis

    Kobosis Member

    It's not always in a sexual way that i think of her. She and i get on well but i don't change like i do with her for anyone else in the world.

    me and my girlfriend have a fairly active sex life, so no complaints on that front.
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Well - basically you have several options I guess:

    1. Stick with the status quo - flirt with your friend and 'get in trouble' while staying with your gf (which is apparently not a situation you are comfortable with)
    2. Stop being friends with your childhood friend because you love your gf and choose to completely commit to her
    3. Leave your gf and indulge the impure thoughts you have about your friend
    4. Stay with your gf and indulge the impure thoughts you have about your friend (though since even having the impure thoughts are making you feel crappy, and you love you gf and this would be a really crappy thing to do, it doesn't seem this solution is going to work for you).

    I can't tell you what to do - because besides anything else people never do what they are told to do. They do what they want to do. So what do you want to do?