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Warning on the label

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by max0718, Jun 29, 2009.

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  1. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    My best friend's fiancee's mom killed herself tonight. They are due to be married in December and now I don't know what will happen. He had a fight with her a few weeks back. It was all a big misunderstanding, he just wanted to know whether his fiancee was alright, so he called her and got no answer and then he called her dad, who then went home to check on his daughter (like any father would). She inferred that he didn't trust her enough to take care of her daughter, which simply wasn't true, but I guess the depression told her otherwise. I think she was afraid of losing her daughter, and now her daughter has lost her forever. I called them to send my condolences, but I feel so helpless. I wish there was something more that I can do. I want to get in my car and go to give them support, but I know that would be inappropriate, and they probably need to work this out alone. I don't know what to do.

    I am so scared her family will blame my friend for what happened. I know that will probably be a normal response, as it often happens in these kind of situations. But he did absolutely nothing wrong! Why must life be so cruel? In a few months they would have been married (still could be I dont know) and if her mother just held on, she would have seen that he only meant well and only wanted the best for her daughter. Why do these things happen? How can a condition warp your thoughts so much, that you think everyone is better off without you, and that your daughter will recover from seeing her mother in a pool of blood and be better off for it? Why is it possible to throw away everything you worked for for years, in just a moment's weakness?

    To anyone who reads this, who thinks that people will be better off without you (I used to be one of them), believe me, you don't know how wrong you are! Somewhere, someone is going to be affected.

    I just hope they can get through this together! Perhaps her mother's pain is gone, but her's unfortunately is just starting..
  2. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I know you feel that going over and giving your support is not the right thing to do. You may be wrong. Being there to let her cry on your shoulder could be the best thing for her. Having friends around lets her know she is still loved.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I'm so sorry, what a tragedy! You're right that some family members may blame your friend. But support him and see how the family feels before offering additional support.

    Peace to you and your friend and the family he was to be part of.
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear this tragedy has befallen you :( I would just be there and offer your support as best you can, as he is your friend. I'm sure the family members are just grieving and shocked right now and that, when things settle down a bit, they will realise that it was not your friends fault. :hug:
  5. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hi all.

    Thank you for your messages and support. I couldn't drive through to offer support so far, but luckily I can go on Friday to the funeral. The thing is that they live almost 300 km away, so I didn't want to put any more pressure on them for the time being. But as I said, luckily I can be there for the funeral. From what I've heard (didn't ask about it for obvious reasons), her family hasn't blamed my friend so far. They've just been too devastated to deal with it I guess. I hope that they do see the truth and don't cause her any more pain by accusing him.

    It was just shocking and eye-opening how much a suicide can affect the people around you. I mean, I know the girl well, but I didn't know her mother at all (might have met her once I think) and even I was affected. I couldn't sleep on Monday night knowing that she was in so much pain and I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. I spoke to her on Tuesday, and I literally didn't know what to say. Just said I'm sorry for her loss over and over for about 2 minutes. Hope I can help her more come Friday.

    Anyway, thanx again!

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