I’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately. I am 16 years old and I first begun having these thoughts at 11 (but due to the medication I was taking, I didn’t have those thoughts again until recently). A large part of my new-found depression is that my mom is sick. Something is wrong with her stomach, the pain makes her heart rate go up, so her heart is always beating too fast. The doctors can never figure out what’s wrong, most don’t give a shit and dismiss us completely, as if we’re making it up. It has been like this for over a year, and we’re no closer to getting her help. We really can’t do the things we used to enjoy, and we’re having money troubles because she can’t work. I feel like it’s never going to change, and I can’t live like this. It’s becoming harder and harder to cope. That’s not the end of it either. I feel like I have no talent, no use. Nothing new or good to bring to the world. So I think “if I can’t make a difference, why live”? I have a lot of perfection problems, if I’m not the best, I feel worthless. I’ve been losing my faith in humanity too. All the horrible shit I hear people do, it’s literally driving me insane. I don’t trust people enough to walk around outside. I keep thinking someone is going to jump out and kidnap me or something. I worry about getting involved in a romantic relationship because I hear so much about husbands killing their wives and vice versa. I’m always scared. I need to tell someone, but I just don’t know how or who. I’m not comfortable using the phone or a stranger’s email address, so contacting suicide help sites and phone lines it out of the question. Telling my mom won’t change anything, we can’t get therapy, all it would do is make her worry. I’m just stuck. I feel slightly better typing out at least. That’s not even all of it, but I don’t want to type anymore. I'm hoping that talking here might help some. So, uh...nice to meet you all.