Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Scum, Apr 1, 2007.
And now I'm not. Simple as.
Awww Mucs whats up (refuse to call someone so nice Scum)
hmm 'S' will do, but equally Scum is ok too.
Not much really. it was a tenuous good feeling because I have cut my tendon this morning and lost some movemtn, which is always good.
But circumstances have brought me down to earth.
nothing major, nothing life threatening, just the wya it is.
But I'll prob go outside in a bit. Thje sun makes me feel better.
Thanks for replying
I'm fairly certain this will make me what I fear being, but I am scared, terrified of what people think of me.
Am I one of these attention seekers that are moaned about so much?
I don't want to be, I don't want peoples attention, I want to help people. But I'm scared that I am. I doubt everything about myself.
Can someone please tell me the honest truth as to whether or not I am an annoying attention seeker.
*is really scared*
I doesn't really matter, what other people think about you ! well not as much as you think anyway.
Its what you think about you that counts, just a pity it took me so long to work that one out.
Stop worryin about other people and spend a little more time thinking about yourself, its not selfish, its not attention seeking.
I've been critisized for trivialising everything as "teen angst", but that person kinda missed the whole point or I didn't put it very well.
My "teen angst" carried on from my early teens, right up to the present day and back in 1999 nearly cost me my life, so it certainly isn't trivial to me.
Take some time to really think about how things are and what you can do to change them, it might feel like there is nothing you can do right now, but what about, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.
This will sound like old man speak but "anything really is possible", the sooner you start to realise that and be comfortable with who you are as a person, the easyer it becomes to move forwards.
First off, thanks for the reply. Means a lot
I have the ultimate low opinion of myself. I know I am worthless, etc. I see myself as all things bad, and I know how much 'attention seekers' are often not liked around here. I don't want to be this awful person, so I was asking because if I was seen as an attention seeker, then I could work really hard to not be that.
I know what I think about myself and am working hard to make myself a better person, but I can't fix something unless I know it's broken.
I come here predominantly to help others, if I can, and to maybe vent every so often in this forum.
I don't suffer from teen angst, I am not a teenager. I am pretty far past being a teenager, but aside from that my problems started to show themselves before I was even close to being a teenager. I have a host of mental health problems that have led me here, various diagnoses and stuff
There is nothing that can be done to improve my mental state (my psych has run out of options and discharged me). All I can do, and am doing is to find a way to exist until I can't exist anymore. I am effectively working on a slow death at the moment, but the slowness means that I can change my mind if I want.
I'm not uncomfortable with myself per se, infact most people would probably think that I am pretty comfortable given how I am with people, etc. I just know that I am the lowest of the low and I want to improve that. But I don't know what needs improving, that's all. No one has ever told me why I am so worthless, unloveable, etc, so I have to figure it out for myself. Hence the post.
Sorry. And thank you for the reply.
Well I am the last person to have all the answers
but I can tell you what worked for me.
Back in 1999, one cold spring night, I had all I need ready, all the usual stuff, but in that instant, just before....... I suddenly stopped and ask myself "why am i doing this" and to be frank, I really had no fucking idea !!!
From there the Why's didn't stop coming, I was kind of forced to trace my steps back through my life, to the point were it had all began, like getting lost on a map and trying to find where you made a wrong turn.
If you truely are the lowest of the low, that most hatefull person, then what are you doing on here, trying to help others, don't confuse worthyness, with love, I'm not loved, so I can't be worthy, thats simply not true.
I may be single, alone, a glass half empty for the rest of my days, but I know, I'm a good person, a kind person, a loving person, just because no one else has found that out, is my fault, not theirs, it not a judgement by "everyone else" about me, its a mistake I made by not letting "them" see that side of me, I am no less worthy than anyone else because of it.
For the longest time, I kept and still do, everyone at arms length, for fear of them finding out, that everything I am, every thing I have been, is based on lie, I am not the person they think I am and if they find out, my world would come crashing down and my crappy life would get even worse.
But now, call it a mid life crisis if you like, carrying on like that is hurting me, more than it was protecting me, from "everyone else", I was lucky I guess, Lucky to have asked "why" in 1999, lucky to have kept on asking myself those difficult questions, lucky to have come up with some answers for myself.
This might sound stupid and I'm not sure I can explain it in words but the hardest thing for me to work out, was, that I was the most important thing in my life and that without me, "my Life", wouldn't actualy carry on.
Those are very wise words. Thank you for sharing that with me.
I don't have much to say in response, I want to say something, yet nothing is coming to mind. I get what you are saying, and I understand what you are getting at.
Some of it applies to me (or I can relate to), but some of it doesn't. I will re-read over it and take onboard the stuff appropriate to me.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
s, you are definately not worthless, though i do understand its hard to accept, especially when depression or whatever is a factor. but i've read many of your posts and see a kind, sensitive, understanding, patient, and very intelligent person. it makes me sad to see such a lovely person hurt so bad. i'm a rather dense person myself, so i dont really have any advice except that maybe you could try to apply some of the advice you give to others on yourself. feel free to pm me. oh almost forgot to mention, no, i dont think you are an attention seeker and i encourage you to post as much as possible.
I don't think you're an "attention seeker", just a person in pain and misery. I think you are very wise and caring and kind. I hope you are feeling better now. I know when I'm feeling crappy I feel better if I take my dog for a walk on a nice day. Even if it's not that nice out, just getting out and walking with her helps. The exercise and fresh air... and letting her check her "pee-mail":biggrin: .
sending you love and hugs and hope,:hug: :flowers: :hug:
cherr up. im always here if u want to talk.
Thank you for all your replies. I value them all.
I would like to share that I have had a terrific day today. I have fought a fear and I am SO proud of myself.
The sun is out.
My rabbits are in the run
My brother is happy
I have bought my easter prezzies
And I have fought a fear.
I am so so tired, exhausted, but I feel so good!
I'm going to enjoy it!