Was I Abused As a Child?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by I.Nimene, Apr 30, 2014.

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  1. I.Nimene

    I.Nimene Member

    When I was 17 I was approached by...I'm not even going to say a man...on a bus full of people, I was by the window and he sat next to me, started touching me, telling me to he was going to take me home with him and he wasn't quiet about it either, I noticed several people giving awkward glances towards us and I remember thinking "why aren't they doing or saying anything?", I was petrified, just...frozen...I couldn't get any words out to do anything about it myself. I'm not sure about how long we were on the bus for but eventually I managed to get away when the bus stopped, I just shoved past him and got the hell out of there, I actually ran for a while thinking he might have gotten off the bus as well, I felt sick to my stomach.

    A couple of years later I saw him again, luckily (I guess) it was from a distance and he didn't get anywhere near me, I don't even think he saw me but I was still as petrified as I was that day. Now ever since this "encounter" I've been having...I guess you can call them flashbacks but they're just pieces or fragments from when I was younger, it's all a bit hazy but I'm started to think that I was abused.

    I'm 24 now, I recently revisited the town where I grew up and passed the house that I lived in from a young age until I was 11/12. I didn't even know that it was there, I'd just gone for a walk, I was just walking down a random street and I got a feeling that I can't even describe, I looked around and there it was, right across the road from me and I think something happened to me there. The flashbacks gotten more frequent but I still don't have the "whole picture" if you will.

    Besides the flashbacks, I've remembered other things such as; around the time that I lived in that house, my mother came to me one day and actually asked me whether I'd been abused because I had woken her up the night before, screaming at somebody not to touch me, to stop touching me etc. I told her I hadn't been because I didn't remember anything happening but I definitely think something happened to me in that house.

    I guess what I'm asking here is...has anybody else had the misfortune of this kind of thing happening to them? If something has happened to me I need to know, I want to piece it all together but without seeking professional help if possible.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, I.Nimene.

    It certainly sounds as if you were molested/assaulted on the bus. I am sorry that happened to you! No one should be touching another person sexually without the full consent of the person, and if the person is a child (a minor), then NO ONE AT ALL should be touching the child in that way.

    It is impossible for anyone else to say if something else happened to you when you were younger. You hold the key to that. I think that professional counselling is the best way to get to the root of whatever it is that is causing flashbacks. A professional counsellor doesn't tell us what to think or do, but s/he has specific training in interviewing and talking with people to help them open up. A good counsellor could be a compassionate but objective listener who guides one through the trouble spots. They know how to lead a client at the right time to the right topics so the client isn't overwhelmed and so details and feelings don't get overlooked or rushed. It might be worth your while to give counselling a try.

    A distress/rape/crisis line will likely be able to offer you contact info for professionals and organizations in your area.

    Even if you don't seek counselling, I'm glad you're here and sharing. Keep talking here, because it probably helps. However, I do think that the support and insight from a professional might be worth having.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I had, what I call, swiss cheese memory (in that it was full of holes) , of something when I was a child.
    Gradually the memories began to overtake my life till I had a breakdown.
    Best thing that could have happened because I got help and saw a psychotherapist.
    He let the memories come but in a safe environment.
    Until I faced them I couldn't heal, so I would suggest getting some professional help and see where it takes you.
  4. 2112

    2112 New Member

    I'm new. This is my first post, even before I disclose my own singular abuse incident. I'm tell you, it only takes a single assault to cause the damage you are experiencing. I understand. Parts of what you wrote, I could've written myself. I was assaulted, in a very public space, with that frozen feeling, and the repercussions you wrote about. I'm not a professional but I can tell you, you are NOT alone. You are not at fault and what he did was wrong.
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