I blame myself everyday. I knew what was happening. He was my boyfriend. He took my virginity a month after my 14th birthday. I met him through my best friend online. We started dating before we met. I went to his house for the first time. Which was also the first day I met him, not smart. I thought he would be okay, because he knew my best friend. In reality, my best friend knows the wrong people. He promised me before hand that he wouldn't pull anything. He knew how unexperienced I was at the time. I made out for the first time only a month before that. Sure enough, I get to his house and after 30mins of being there, He starts to kiss me, touch me. I was uncomfortable, but scared because I have never been in that position before in my life. He knew that. He pushed me on his bed, and climbed on top of me. He asked me if I wanted to or not. I said I don't know, I'm scared. He didn't say anything, just continued. I broke up with him the next day. Two and half years later, I find myself depressed more than ever; alone. He started talking to me again, made me feel like a princess. I went back with him. I'm so stupid. For the first month, I felt like a princess. Once he dug his claws in me, he didn't let go. I was no longer a princess. He manipulated me, I didn't know what to do. He knew I still loved my first boyfriend, because I always will, but we are just friends now, and I sort of accept that. He didn't. He would yell at me and call me a slut when I talked to him. Meanwhile, I would find pictures of naked girls on his computer. I felt worthless. I felt ugly. I felt like a joke. I am going to be a little more personal, so you don't have to continue reading if you feel you don't want to hear anymore. I doubt anyone is even reading this. Something in my vagina is thinning. I am not exactly sure what yet, but the doctor says that it might cause painful sex, which to be truthful, it does if I have sex for too long, or too many times in a row. I told him that it hurt me when we had sex sometimes, but he was turned on when I would be in pain, he would never stop. I put my foot down several times, and told him that I didn't want to have sex. He would immediately began to put me down, and cry. He would manipulate me. Tell me things like 'If you don't have sex with me, you don't love me'. Things along those lines, to try to force me into having sex with him. I told him no, he would yell, and call me names until I would 'give in'. I would be crying the whole time. This went on for 6 months. I broke up with him, he didn't take it very well. He had naked pictures of me, and threatened to send them to my family. I hacked his account and deleted them before he could. He told me to kill myself, and how to do it. He told me that no one would care. I shared all my weaknesses with him. He used them all against me. I was broken. He threatened to get me beat up, to make my life hell. He did, for the next two months. He finally left me alone for a while. Once in a while I randomly get texts from his friends, trying to convince me that it wasn't him. I knew it was, by the way they talked. Am I crazy? Was this sexual abuse, or even rape? Was it all just my fault. I have trouble dating people with his characteristics now. He killed me. His face haunts me everyday. I'm 18 years old now, and will never forget. Please tell me if I'm at fault or not. If I'm the crazy one and not him. Was what he did wrong? Or am I just over exaggerating?