I want out of my life but unlike health insurance there is no out clause, no way to just turn over the page and write a new one. I'm sick of my day to day life draining everything out of me and leaving me emotionless, today I woke up at 3pm to the sounds of my gran smashing things up again. My mum who is her carer even with my help it is tough but my mum's bowel has re ruptured and she's in 24 hour pain. I say it again. I want a new life or my old one. Things get better a little here or there though I never know if I'm pretending anymore, my 21st birthday just passed by and I find myself in the same position as last year and the year before that. I'm oversleeping, I think suicide to much already but my dreams are turning against me. I want to scream "Why is nobody listening!" but I never talk anyway so whats the difference all they see are smiles and some pretty words on paper. My scars are so faded you'd never see them if you weren't looking, years and years have passed and I've never felt as strong a need as I do now.