was I made for working only??

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Daywalker928, Apr 16, 2009.

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  1. Daywalker928

    Daywalker928 New Member

    Hey guys,
    I am here because I’m in the greatest crisis in my life I’ve ever had. I really need somebody to talk because I don’t know what to do.
    I’m 26 years old and I’m working as software developer in a small company. We have a lot of projects here (thanks good for it) and our job is good paid. The whole disaster started before about 2 years ago. My supervisor asked me to get team leader and do my own projects. They gave me two trainees and they developed software for that client. When we were ready to install the software at the client my boss took the trainees away from me into another project team who needed more men power. I had to fix the rest of the software problems alone. That time was about 3 months where I had to be onside at my clients and fix and test the software. We worked between 12 and 16 hrs per day to fix it in time. All my vacations got canceled. During the busiest time on that project my supervisor wanted me to start with a new project which I should fix next to the current one. When first project got stable it was around Christmas and I asked my supervisor for vacation again. He told me that it’s not possible because my other colleagues are in vacation and our clients need somebody for support. I thought whatever and planned my vacations for 2009. First vacation would be next week – it got canceled again, because the second project I started last year has a lot of problems and I need to fix it first – alone again. I work 12 – 15 hours per day again, also on weekends. I talked with my bosses and my supervisor because I’m totally burned out and need vacation to relax and forget all that shit here but their answer was “well, when the project works, you can get your vacation”. The project is more stable but there is a problem which I don’t know to fix. I asked a lot of colleagues with more experience in that stuff but nobody has time to support me. I try to fix that problem since 6 days – no success till today.
    That stress burns me out, I have no more fun in working, no more fun with my hobbies etc. When I get up I know that everybody of the supervisor will give me a load of shit today and I know that I’ll come home late and will have no fun in going to work out, hanging around with friends, etc.
    My gf is very pissed especially when company sends me to my clients – as they did for the following week.
    I tried to find a new job but its very hard to find a good paid job or a job where you earn enough money for a good life. I talked with my bosses, too but no chance to change current situation.
    Before 3 years a good friend and colleague made suicide and I really can understand why he did that, now. Everyday when I drive to work I have the same idea – accelerate my Porsche to maximum speed and crash against a tree, bridge, etc. I also dream about that nearly every night.
    I try to reduce stress as well as I can but at the moment I see no other way out of that shit.
    Can anybody of you give me some good as advice what to do now?
  2. samba101

    samba101 Member

    Your only choice really is leaving your current job and finding another one with less stress and less hours, you're burnt out already, mainly you see that in someone who has worked there for years.

    Yeah the pay is great but in the end you are not happy, talk to your girlfriend and see what she says. Sounds to me that there is really no support for you from work.

    What would you rather? A job that pays well that makes you unhappy or happiness with an income that is less that you are making now. Depression seems to have set in now which can be changed if you reasses your values. Put you first and only first.
  3. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Well, if the job is that bad just resign. If your serious enough about suicide then you can just quit the job and see what happens until you do.
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ....i agree with the above posts. it may be that you are burned out and need way less hours.

    i believe you do have flexibility, in your field.

    it may give you some hope - if you are proactive in searching for a different position, that requires a more normal workday. if you have to take a cut in pay, it may be well worth it. sanity and peace, in my opinion, are more important than money, any day.

    and as for your gf, you mention she is 'pissed'. at the company. or at you?
    just clarifying....wondering if she is being supportive of you. i hope she is, because at these times in life, we need our significant other to support us - not crush us.

    you are obviously very good at what you do, and extremely intelligent. i have faith you will find something else, less taxing on your soul.

    glad you reached out here -
    pm me if you want to talk . . :hug:
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, it sounds like a real struggle for you at this point. I really feel for you. That's a tough spot to be in.

    Is your boss perhaps just in his own little world and really doesn't see that you're getting burned out? (When I told a former boss, after 18 months of 15-hour days 6 or 7 days a week, "I'm beginning to feel burned out," he said, "Really?! But you're still getting everything done!? I didn't know you felt overworked. I just kept giving you stuff because you kept doing it." I basically told him, "Vacation or I resign." He actually arranged extra vacation days and extra pay for the many extra hours I'd put in. He was an extra good boss once he clued in.)

    If you're dragging yourself in to work each day, take no pleasure in the work, are always tired, have no interest/time for hobbies and friends, AND are thinking suicidal thoughts, you absolutely need a break. You might have to resign to get it. However, you might want to give one last go at negotiating a different solution with your boss before you make that final decision. If he won't negotiate when you lay out the situation now, I somehow don't think things would ever improve, so leaving doesn't seem to be a bad option. (IMO.)

    All the best! Please don't attempt to kill yourself or hurt yourself over this, OK? :hug:

  6. asri

    asri Well-Known Member

    if ur line managers arent helping u out, have u tried involving ur HR? surely there must b a policy on this..

    u will have to sit down with ur L+2 and try to solve it. tell him what the situation is like n how u r finding it rather difficult to cope.

    try finding another job that may b less stressful, even if it means a slight paycut? times r tough n i can understand that adding to ur dilemma..

    but surely earning a bit less is better than driving off the bridge eh

    hope something works out well enuf for u...
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