Was I raped? (trigger? be careful)

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Passion, Nov 11, 2007.

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  1. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    everyone I have told about this tells me it was rape, but for some reason I don't feel so sure, i feel like it was my fault, it was a misunderstanding, I don't know.
    I was at my (ex)boyfriends house, i'm not going to say his real name, but lets call him...tom..
    and me and tom had sex nearly every day, but then that day I did not want to, I was sick and didn't want him to get sick I also didnt much feel like having sex either.
    but he kept pushing, physically holding me down and trying to pry my legs open, I kept trying so hard to push him off of me, i was probably fighting for about an hour, and then i just gave up, went numb, disassociated, i was too tired to move, he was much stronger than me so i stopped fighting.
    afterwards, i was a little confused,
    was I raped? I didnt fight him off the entire time because i got so tired and it was useless because i could not push him off. so if I didnt continue fighting him then it wouldnt be rape?
    i dont know how this works in my mind...
    also he knows i'm into "fantasy rape roleplay" I can't help that, I really don't know why I like it and sometimes I hate myself for liking it, but I do and I can't help that. so maybe he thought it was okay because of that? but whenever I asked him if we could do that he would say no. and I really meant no that night...
    it also happened 2 more times, and he tried a third time, but since i like kinky things i happened to have handcuffs on my floor and handcuffed him so i could get away. (ha!) I waited until he wasnt horny anymore and then came back and he was mad at me.
    its like..he turned into a monster when he got horny, and if i didnt want to have sex, he made me anyways..
    it was almost like, he didnt believe me when i said i didnt want to.
    and now im confused.
    I left him anyways because I figured he was a bad relationship because my flashbacks and panic attacks got a lot worse while i was dating him...
    was I raped? should I make a report?
    ...also, i'm hoping no one will judge me here for this, as i have some issues i still have to deal with on this subject, but he was 20, and i'm only 15.
    so technically, its stagatory rape, but is it a real rape?
    should I report it?
    I dont think i have any evidence of it tho....
  2. Lucie

    Lucie Well-Known Member

    YES you were raped, you struggled for an hour, surely he would realise you were serious, but he carried on.
    What a bastard you are well rid of him!
    You should definately report him for rape and having sex with you when your underage. Double the crime.
  3. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    its been two months though, I don't think I have any physical evidence anymore.
    though, I may have an email or something of him admitting to having sex with me.
  4. CyanideMuffin

    CyanideMuffin Member

    yes, actually it was rape because you didnt want to have sex with him then and you struggled, and you're underage, so you may report him.

    good luck!
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I've always heard that "NO! means NO!" So, yes, you were raped.

    Unwanted sexual advances are "sexual assault" according to the law where I live. (The term "rape" isn't used here [in legal system] anymore.) There are "varying degrees" of sexual assault (groping up to full penetration and then they can add other charges such as attempted murder, etc., etc.).

    Bottom line is "NO! means NO!"

    I'm sorry if this upsets you, but I'm glad you're not with him. It's not right for anyone to force themselves on another. EVER.
  6. redheadsweetie

    redheadsweetie Active Member

    just wanted to share my personal experience with you on this,

    I was abused and waited 9 years to report it and i still could with no evidence obviously. They didnt do a whole lot however but two months and 9 years is a big gap they should be able to do whatever you are comfortable with. And yes it was rape. You meant NO and he should respect that! If you ever need to talk my PM box is always open.
  7. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    At the end of the day hun no means no. It dosent matter how long ago it was that he did it he still attacked you and you can still report him loads of people dont always report it straight away. And also he was having sex with you underage if you ve still got that email then you ve got some proof. Get the bastard done for it he deseves to be done for it
  8. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    I consider it rape..
    but if you are into rape roleplay(kind of sick) you MUST have a safe word. even if it seems ubsurd.
  9. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    As you worded your first post in this thread, it was a rape at all effect.

    You haven't got physical evidences yet you have them on a different level and that is what is disturbing you.

    Are you seeking revenge or to have him pay for his misdeed? Should it be the case, a letter admitting having 'sex' with you is not in itself a proof... if you are of legal age obviously.

    Should you write him a letter in which you expose your feelings, how when you tried in all possible ways to push im away making it clear that you didn't want to have sex, how you felt after like you were raped and cosidered an object...... would be a first step in healing. Should he reply to this letter admitting in it that indeed he has forced himself om you, this admission might be used by your lawyer and police against him and charge him but you need to confide in a lawyer first to ensure this is a right way to go about it.

    Be sure of what you really want to do and WHY. Get back at him for the 'rape' or other motives that are unsaid here.

    Good luck and good healing.

    be well and stay safe.
  10. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    I am underage, so a email of him admitting having sex with me could be used?
  11. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    I know rape roleplay is kind of fucked up, but i really can't help it.
    I think it may have been because i was sexual abused as a child, and have been raped by a friend when i was virgin.
    i dont know.
    but its way different than a normal rape scenerio, because obviously, i am willing and its not as violent. i dont know. i feel depressed even liking it.

    but the thing was, that he told me before that he WOULD NOT do a rape fantasy with me. and i said ok, thats fine.
    but when all this happened, i started thinking, does he think im into this? whats going on? why is he doing this?
    and i figured it must be my fault because he knows im into that sort of thing, but i explained to him exactly what it would be like if we did do roleplay, and this was way, way, different.
    its like when he got horny and i wouldnt have sex with him he turned into some sort of monster, i dont know how to explain it.

    but the good thing about being into roleplay:
    I had a pair of handcuffs under my bed, and the last time he tried to rape me, i grabbed them, some how mannaged to cuff him to the bedpost and run away, and hes not the brightest so he couldnt figure out that they had a safety latch on them.
    but anyways, im still confused, and receently have been very depressed about this situation, ive been getting flashbacks even.
  12. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    as far as I know it can become a proof of sexual relations, either he admits haveing sex or forcing hiself upon you, it is a proof (here.. and most country that i know of)... but am no lawyer so best is to call a police station or social services and tell them you need information. You will be transfered to an agent (police or social worker) and you can ask all you want staying anonymous.

    when you have all information you need, you can decide what to do. no matter how you go about it hun, i advise you to tell your parent(s) about
    the rape and sexual relations. once the rape issue is raised, and you tell them you want him to pay for his misdeed, they will know how to act, where to go and who to talk to to file a petition against your ex bf. and they will give you the support and comprehension you are in need of and perhaps few meetings with a therapist or counselor would not hurt you. if you bothered asking about it, it is because you are hurting inside so you must do some healing as well with proper person (professional).

    i am no lawyer or professional but if you have questions, please do call anonymously a police station or social worker office. they know the laws and how things must be done.

    good luck hun and please be safe.
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