This was about half a year ago. People were talking shit about me in food prep class and I hated it. I felt like I was going to kill myself right there. So after class ended, I opened a drawer and reached for a knife. Then I kicked it closed and screamed, "I want to kill myself!" The teacher was right there, so shocked and scared. She really made me feel better, as did my guidance counselor. The thing is though, after I screamed, even though I was crying, I felt like I was never truly suicidal. It kind of felt like I got something out of my system. I never really had a plan or anything. But before that, and even recently, I've kept some pills in my backpack as a sort of "option." I have felt like I've really wanted to die before and have had some problems with clinical depression. So I don't know if I was ever "really" suicidal or not.