Was this abuse? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Lilly_Grace, Feb 16, 2016.

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  1. Lilly_Grace

    Lilly_Grace New Member

    I mostly just want to get this out in writing and get others' input on it I guess. I'm pretty sure I know what the answer to my question is...

    When I was 16 I started dating the next door neighbor of a family member- he was 23/24. Our relationship became physical almost immediately but then he also asked me to sleep with some of his friends, took pictures, etc. But my family liked him- he was always invited to family functions, etc so it wasn't like our relationship was a total secret. I think that's what confuses me about the whole thing to be honest. Nobody made a big deal about the age difference, so I don't know if that should have been a big deal (although with children of my own now I wouldn't allow my teenager to see someone that much older than him or her).

    Even now, it's been a few years since I've seen him and the whole situation is confusing to me :-(
  2. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    Hi lily.
    Listen..honey I totally get ur entire situation.
    U dated..that was your choice.but your motive behind dating him was ..well dating..love..admirer..someone U can trust depend on.(um assuming)
    His motive was very clearly sex.and advantage.older boys they look at younger girls with an eye that they are naive and wud depend on them if dated.

    The moment U said..that you got physical immediately I got the entire picture in my head.

    Yes it was abuse...cleverly masked and accounted for..mostly wrongdoers have they'r actions very well justified in there heads...so this guy probably too didn't consider him doing anything wrong.
    I'm 17.i know these type of guys.i made the mistake too.but. I don't date such ppl anymore...infact I keep them as friends with benefits...im not obligated in not dependant..but whenever I want I can summon them and just have fun.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry this happened to you, and that you're struggling with it now. *hugs*

    I do think this was abuse, hun. And not because of the age difference. The mere fact that you can ask if this was abuse at all is ringing an alarm.
    He took advantage of you, especially the fact that he involved his friends makes me so angry.
    He should not have taken advantage of you.

    I can tell you one thing though, this was not your fault. He did this, and I'm pretty sure he knew what he was doing.

    Do you have a therapist you could talk this through with? It is clearly still affecting you negatively
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