I have a lot of people who tell me that my situation was not considered abuse. Then I have a few close friends who tell me it was. I dated a guy and in the beginning he made me feel as if, if I did things (sexual things) it would make him love me more. Then we split, and he came back, and kissed me forcefully. Then he begged me to do it again to him. And he kept asking me, and every time I would say no, he would find a way around it. It got to a point where I convinced myself I wanted to. Except, every time I went down on him, his hand would wrap around my head, and he'd force me down. He's make sure I didn't back down. He has bruised me. Intentionally? I don't know. The point is... I didn't say no, so it couldn't have been abuse.. .. but he told me he'd love me if I fucked him. And he would force me, not to start, but to continue. He was manipulative. And once, he pinned me to his bed and told me he was going to have his way with me, and his grip on my wrists was so hard that I had to whimper and run away, but he ran after me, and hugged me and said he didn't mean to and I cried on him. I'm so confused. I probably just made mistakes and now I want to say it's abuse so I don't need to take the blame..or is that brainwashing talking?