Was this Abuse?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by love-scars, Sep 23, 2007.

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  1. love-scars

    love-scars Guest

    I have a lot of people who tell me that my situation was not considered abuse.

    Then I have a few close friends who tell me it was.

    I dated a guy and in the beginning he made me feel as if, if I did things (sexual things) it would make him love me more.

    Then we split, and he came back, and kissed me forcefully.

    Then he begged me to do it again to him.

    And he kept asking me, and every time I would say no, he would find a way around it.

    It got to a point where I convinced myself I wanted to.

    Except, every time I went down on him, his hand would wrap around my head, and he'd force me down. He's make sure I didn't back down.

    He has bruised me. Intentionally? I don't know.

    The point is... I didn't say no, so it couldn't have been abuse..

    .. but he told me he'd love me if I fucked him. And he would force me, not to start, but to continue.

    He was manipulative.

    And once, he pinned me to his bed and told me he was going to have his way with me, and his grip on my wrists was so hard that I had to whimper and run away, but he ran after me, and hugged me and said he didn't mean to and I cried on him.

    I'm so confused.

    I probably just made mistakes and now I want to say it's abuse so I don't need to take the blame..or is that brainwashing talking?
  2. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    my luv, you are being abused, there is no doubt about it.
    hes manipulative and abusing you mentally and emotionally. using guilt as a tool. you cant fall for those lies about loving you if you sleep w/ him, if he even remotely cared he wouldnt expect those things from you or force you into uncomfortable positions. he uses those techniques because he knows he can get away w/ it. you have to build up your self esteem and put your foot down.
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Hi Love_scars,

    I'm sorry for how this guy is treating you and would strongly advise that u leave him and report him to the police.

    Is it abuse? ~ Abuse is a general term for the misuse of a person, causing harm to the person. Abuse can be emotionally, financial, physical and sexual ~ Abuse may be direct and overt, or may be disguised and covert.

    Part of the abuse is them controlling your mind so that you believe that either its what you want, or that its how a relationships works or even both ~ which isn't the case, you deserve to be treated with respect, you have a right not to feel scared or threatened by someone.

    It would depend on how old you were as to the "wording" the law would use, if you was under 16 for example what he is doing would be sexual abuse regardless if u say yes or no. If your over 16 it would/could be classed as domestic violence but the wordings don't matter...he isn't treating you correctly and therefore its wrong.

    Not sure if this makes sense..

    I hope you find the courage to put a stop to what he is doing I know how difficult it can be but hope u listen to ur close friends and leave him for good.

    Lost xx
  4. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    i say that is definetly abuse.*hugs*
  5. love-scars

    love-scars Guest


    I'm almost 17, but I was 15 going on 16 when it first happened.

    So it's sexual AND domestic abuse.

    (I'm sorry if I put this in the wrong forum section then)
  6. Ok hun, This guy is abusing you. Anyone who says otherwise is just stupid. You need to cut all contact with him. Farther contact could turn even worse. You can in fact go to the police. I would just stop talking for him at the least.
  7. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    I say get to the police ASAP.
  8. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I agree entirely with Puddytat.

    Drop this piece of shit as soon as you can.
  9. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    He's manipulating you. He knows exactly what he's doing by making you question it, but it is, just subtle. Good luck. =( :hug:
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