Was Worried, Yesterday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, May 10, 2016.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I had a doctors appointment yesterday for the pregnancy and while getting checked in, the nurse started going through some questions. One of the questions that were asked was suicidal thoughts. I admitted I was having thoughts recently. Once the questions were done, I noticed they kept switching out nurses to sit with me in the room. I caught on they weren't going to leave me alone in the room while waiting for the doctor due to the suicidal thoughts. They did eventually tell me why later on. I got worried I was going to get admitted. Once the Dr came in to talk with me, I reassured her I was fine. I told her I been talking myself out of the thoughts and everything. I told her I'm trying to avoid going back inpatient. She understood. She asked if I couldn't talk myself out of it, if I would contact her or 911. I told her I would but honestly, I don't think I would call or contact anyone. I just didn't want to be admitted. I just don't want to let anyone down.
     
  2. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Hi there. How far along are you? I'm glad you were honest about the suicidal ideation but you weren't admitted. I always tell doctors and therapists that I would call 911 or go seek help if I felt that way but I'd rather come on here. I am also terrified of getting admitted. It is a very scary experience that IMO makes me feel even worse than I did before going in. What do you mean by not wanting to let anyone down?
     
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm 15 weeks and 3 days in the pregnancy. I didn't want to tell the dr I most likely won't contact anyone if the thoughts and urges got bad because I don't want to get admitted. I don't want anyone thinking I let them down by being admitted. I don't know how else to describe it or explain it. Just hard.
     
  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I don't think that being admitted would be letting them down so much as harming yourself would. I hope you continue to be safe!
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    My mind keeps going back and forth with it. Just don't know what else to do. I just been tired of being admitted as well. I told the Dr yesterday I didn't want to keep going to the hospital all the time regarding the thoughts. At times the thoughts get super bad where I have to ground myself in one place until I can pull myself together. At times, I do worry myself that one day it will get so bad, I won't reach out to anyone, and give into the urges. Just sadness me that I am like this.
     
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    You will not let anyone down by getting some help if you need it hun. No one would want you to hurt yourself (as well as the baby in your tummy). Wouldn't it be better to get some help?

    I hope you can stay strong hun! I might be wrong, but perhaps being pregnant is a bit hard on your mind? Hormones and all?
     
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    As sad and as much as I don't want to, I may talk to my husband on what we need to do. Even if we talk to his best friend.
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* Good luck hun!
     
    brknsilence likes this.
  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs Thanks
     
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