washout is hell. What is the point?????

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aussiegal, Mar 27, 2012.

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  1. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Bout to go through the horrible washout phase before starting on yet another drug which is supposedly going to help me want to live. Wondering what the point is when I am having to do this every few months. Missing one day makes me sick as anything and feel like dying (well actually i feel like that most days without missing my meds). So I can only imagine what I am going to feel like in three days time. Surely curling up into a cocoon would be easier. I don't want to do this. Please just let me die. If this is life... I don't really want it. People can say what they like.. the usual things you get... there are lots of people worse off than u etc etc... How would they know. They aren't inside my head. They don't know the pain I fight or the numbness I otherwise feel just to leave my bed each day. I am tired of the fight to live.
     
  2. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    hi and welcome to sf,
    i know this isn't what you might want to hear, but if you are willing to take meds than do it. I know how hard it is to get up in the morning to face life. I have tp take my meds everyday or I feel like crap. hang in there and if you want to talk, feel free tp pm me.

    black
     
  3. I hated the sentence:" there are people worse off than you". I also dislike people telling me to count my blessings.. I don't know why some people like to compare us to others and keep giving us false assurances. Fuck them!
    Please keep talking to us and welcome to the forum.. : hug: please try to get out of bed and jog/run to stay alert and let us know what's troubling you. Please be safe and I will check back on your thread.. :hug:
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    coming off meds is no fun ...:hug:
    I was able to cut my capsules back to half then quarters ,( open them and tip some out, replace cap) , then every second day, etc. but it was hard.
    have they cut you back 'cold turkey'?
     
  5. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Might try that idea. Yep.. cold turkey. Day one is down. Still here so that is a good thing I guess. Feeling better tonight than i was this morning. Only a little longer to hold on then hopefully some relief. Thanks for the offers of support everyone. Means a lot!!!Take care all.
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope these few days pass by quickly so you can get started on your new meds. Were the old ones not working for you? I remember what it was like trying to find the right combination to help me. I got tired of the withdrawals all the time and finally went cold turkey off of everything. Coming off of effexor was the worst. It was unbearable. My pdoc tried telling me it was not addictive. Hmmm....I would like to have her take it for years and watch her come off of it. Let us know how things are going. We are standing in your corner. :hug:
     
  7. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I would strongly urge you to consult your doctor before going off any medication "cold-turkey." They can be very dangerous; and you can become very ill. I did just that technique with the first three or four anti-depressants I tried--& failed--no problem! But, on the next one I wasn't so lucky. I just so happened to be out of town for the week by myself. No medications on me (which would've solved the dilemma). Basically, it was the worst experience of my life! That is, how I felt, so sick... Unable to call for help... Barely able to open my eyes... With the most intense head-pain I have ever encountered--it was indescribable... Lying in bed feeling like I was surely going to die... I was stuck in a hotel room - Trapped! When I finally got the stability to come back home and talk to my doctor, he could not believe what I'd just done. And went about describing just how foolish and toxic that move can be to your health. Trust me, I believed him! They should be able to advise you on the best way to phase out of the medication: five pills day one; four pills day two; three pills day three & c & c....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2012
  8. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a horrible experience. Unfortunately for me the dr told me that cold turkey was the best way for this one. Too difficult to halve the dose because of capsules etc. Up to day two. Apparently I am unable to string together a sentence coherently today which isn't helpful seems as though I am a teacher. Somehow I managed to drive myself to work without turning my head to create dizziness. Made it home. Now collapsed on lounge. Not sure if i feel more like i hace run a marathon or if i am suffering from the worst hangover ever. Head is throbbing and spinning. Heart palpitations (which is quite normal for me as i have a heart condition). Feel sick, tired, sweating profusely. And now I can't type properly either lol. Other than that I am ok. In fact in terms of depression and mood swings i would count today as a good day.

    Yes, the medication change was because they werent working. Up to med change about five now i think. Just sceptical because the next one i am trying is pristiq which appears to be very similar to the one i was on before my hospital stay. Good news is i have got an appointment to see the psychiatrist after easter so if it doesn't work by then he will admit me again and come up with a better solution than what the gp has offered. I know miracles won't happen quickly but two weeks should be enough time on the new meds to notice a little change before i see him.

    So far so good i guess. I am hanging in there and that is the main thing. Thanks for all the support. Will keep you posted on how day three goes.
     
  9. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    That doesn't sound like fun! In fact, it sounds an awful lot like my time doing the same: going cold-turkey! Glad you talked to the doctor--each one's different, I'm sure. And hopefully, this transition phase passes by quickly for you. I do think, very much indeed, that you've got a wonderful attitude about things, I wish I could adopt it just for one moment! Best of luck to you with how it all turns out.:) please do let us know... (PS-I'm glad you're feeling better)
     
  10. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I had to quit my mess cuz of liver issue. Mess didn't help me while I was taking them anyway.
     
  11. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Ok so today is the start of day three and the worst I have felt so far. Feel like I have been hit by a bus or a truck or something. Every muscle in my body hurts and is weak. I can hardly walk with the dizziness. I am not sure if I want to sleep or throw up. Must look just as bad because my boss just messaged me to see if I was okay after looking terrible yesterday. Stupidly I said I was fine. And of course being the perfectionist that I am I am somehow supposed to be leaving for work in twenty mins. Couldn't let people down could I???

    Not quite sure how I am going to get through a day with 25 6 year olds. Praying it doesn't rain so I can at least get a lunch break and dont have them playing inside during that time!

    Feel like the biggest whinger out. This is all over stopping some stupid little tablets. Should suck it up I guess. Feeling really bad when I asked my boyfriend last night if he would visit my sisters new house in a few weeks. He seemed reluctant and I made a big deal over it cos we were going to see his brothers new place nearly every week. Then he politely pointed out that when I was in hospital last year that my family never once contacted him to see how he was doing visiting me every day for 4 months but were quick to say how he wasn't supportive of their efforts. He hadn't heard from them in seven months now and didn't see why he should make that effort. Feel terrible about even asking him now and I can completely understand why he feels that way. But instead of being all angry he just comes over, gives me a hug and says only a few more days of this then you will start to feel better. Hang in there. He is one of the strongest people I know.

    Why do things have to be so complicated.I dont wanna play this game called life today. I want out.
    But I guess I am going to work instead :( Wish me luck.
     
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    good luck aussiegal..I think you're amazing how you're coping...
    it sux that you have to go through this but I hope the next meds are the right ones for you :hug:
     
  13. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Somehow made it through the day at work. Only just. Had waves of feeling pretty bad and then waves of feeling like I was about to die. Many moments of crying my eyes out pleading workmates to make it end. Times i couldn't string a sentence together to answer a question. Feel like I am on a minutes delay from the rest of the world.
    Just got home after a bypass to the grocery store to get milk for my grandmother then stopping in to give her her daily medication (she has dementia and is quite frail and ill). Made it to the lounge. Just sat down and the phone rings.... Its my boyfriend. "Whats for dinner?" he asks. I tell him I bought stuff for dinner but he wants pizza from a shop twenty mins away. Told him he would have to go get it because I was exhausted and felt terrible. He just told me I was cranky and couldn't even be nice to him for five mins on the phone. My mind is racing a million miles an hour. Feel bad for not being nice to him but at the same time I have been fighting myself, mind and body all bloody day. I just want to sit down and cry and hope that I feel better soon.

    To be honest, I dont even know if what i have just written makes sense. Can't even remember why I came on here in the first place. I want to die. I simply cannot go on feeling like this one more moment. Wish i could be in a dark hole and just locked away from the world.
     
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sounds like a crappy day! and I don't mean to offend but your BF needs a kick up the butt!

    what you're going through with the withdrawals i think it's even amazing you can still work..
    give yourself credit for coping as well as you are..
    I think the boyfriend could be a bit more compassionate and try to help instead of hinder
    I hope you told him to get his own pizza so you can rest.. :)

    look after yourself first and foremost .....at this time you need to take care of you :hug:
    any chance of taking a few days off work until the worst is over with the withdrawals?
     
  15. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    Thanks for ur support. Went to go get his dinner and he took one look at me and told me to get on the lounge. Can't stop crying right now. My eyes hurt. I feel absolutely terrible. This better be worth it because I don't know how much more i can take. I dont think i can feel any lower and still keep it together on the outside for everyone else to believe! I hate people seeing how weak I am. I am meant to be the strong one who doesnt faulter. Today I feel like a big fat failure.
     
  16. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Don't allow yourself to feel overly distressed with the boyfriend while you are in such a weakened state & suffering from this sickness. And now is not the time to be self-critical, due to feeling so ill. Simply focus on yourself. I don't know how long this is going to take--mine lasted five to six days-& it wasn't until the very last day that I noticed a considerable change in the unbearable, intolerable agony. I noticed before you'd mentioned seeing your G.P. Perhaps he is a genius, but in general, the level of expertise I have encountered between specialists & such is significant: maybe I'm just that hopeless! So, if he's the one calling the shots during this medication switch, it may not quite be his cup of tea. One time, when going on an aggressive new medication, I asked my psychiatrist (who was brilliant by the bye) if the dosage was very high? He responded by saying that to a G.P., yes, it would seem abnormally so, but to him, it was the minimum dosage necessary in order to be effective. I guess it's a little bit like going to one of them for your heart condition, and comparing their talent & skill to a cardiologist.... So, in short, he may be 100% correct in his findings for you, or he may just not know definitively how awful it's going to be, or what alternative remedies there may be. So, either way, perhaps it'd be best to see your specialist again, even if only to get a second opinion. Take Care!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2012
  17. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    How would they know. Indeed! Seems like most things in life come from people who can only try nd put themselves in a situation which they can have no understanding for.
    I personally refuse to be on any kind of medication, not because I do not think they will not help, but for the exact reason you described about the withdrawl you get after stopping something you have been on for so long and once you have been on something for so long, it can be quite difficult to seperate the feelings of being suicidal because it is genuinely how you see life's hand dealt you or because of the tablets that you have (unknowingly) been dependent on.
     
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