Wasnt going to post again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Nov 3, 2009.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I wasnt going to post here again as feeling so empty all the time.I keep hitting a brick wall but im either to stubborn or afraid to go and seek help again.I always have the feeling tht im just a pain in the arse when i go to docs or end up in hosp.For the last few weeks ive gone down hill and im getting worse im suicidle again anger is coming bck.Feeel as thgh ive let everyone down ending up like this again.I just cant seem to get a grip on life again feel very lost confused.I feel ridiculous posting here all the time.Seems anyone i know i dont feel rght around and i cant seeem to open up with them and i find tht they are sick of me cause im so low all the time.I cant open up with doc or phycologist nor counciller as i block up.Im scared im just going to end up empty lost and a hobo for the rest of my life.Last few nghts ive been stopping myself from going of alone as i know im very suicidle at moment.But i have been asked when im going from here (as im staying at the exs at moment)so will be bymyself soon.Christ im just dso messed up ive been trying to get on top of it all but tht brick wall keeps knocking me back on my arse.I do want this pain and negativity to stop.Ive tryed keeping myself busy but in saying tht i loose trac k as my mind is just clocking miles of thnking thnking wont stop always negative always over things tht are hassling me just wont stop.Everything just seems hopeless.
     
  2. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey Spidy,

    Don't do that, don't shut yourself from everybody else and don't think worse of yourself for posting here all the time. You're fighting for your life, it's a noble thing, not shameful. You need to be among people, even if it's just usernames in a forum. Beats loneliness everyday.

    And even when you have to live by yourself, don't just shut yourself alone at home. That's a depression magnet. Maybe you could get a roomate? A friend you trust?

    Anyway, don't stop coming here no matter what. We're always here for you, but we can't log on for you :wink:
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Keep posting here, even if you can't post the deep stuff. In time, you'll be able to say a little more. Please call the crisis line, I've had to do it and I always feel self conscious when I do, and I tell them it's not easy for me to talk. Please call crisis, it's the road to getting rid of the pain you want to be rid of.

    :hug:
     
  4. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    Sad to say I know how you feel. Or at least something like it, I guess everyone is different.

    I don't know what to tell you. But I hope you are alright, that your life gets back on track, and that you can be with your kids again.

    Good luck, and thanks for opening up here.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If you are having a hard time opening up to your shrink and therapist try sitting down and writing your thoughts out.. Take it with you your next visit and let them read it..At least then they can pput together a treatment plan for you..
     
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    thnx guys at the moment sf is the only friendly unjudgemental support i have at moment dont really know what im going to soon as i wont have access to putor.Ex is hammering me what my plans are as she wants me out of her house.Ive lost my car now so will have no shelter.Dont get it wrong she dosnt want to see me on the streets i ll prob tell her i have somewhere to go as i know its stressful for her to have me here and i dont want to be a burden on anyone.My moods are pretty crappy which tends to bring other ppl down and i dont want tht.Anyway i just dont know what will happen and really have got to not caring anymore and the way im feeling everyday i know what the best thng is.
     
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Gav I know what your saying and feeling too well. So do many others here. That's why this place is so important to you and the rest of us. A place where you fit in because of your feelings and thoughts and not cast aside because of them. I wish I could help you out someway with the other problems your facing. As for not having a puter soon, try logging in at the local library if you need to get intouch with us. We arent going to leave you to fight this battle alone. Dont know what else to say except :arms: if you need a friend.
     
  8. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Im dont think can or able going to stop myself soon I know i need help to frightened and ashamed to go get it 3again im just really scared very unsecure fck im grown man how ridiculous am i being arrrrrrrrrrrr i just know these suicide thghts are strong again and they getting worse and i find im zoning into the plan all day and nght whats going on for fck sake i am so sick of this way of life
     
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