all sorts of things going on now that just hanging around and not getting resolved yet or favorably.. this hurts me all the time now.. trying as hard as i can to get this taken care of but keep butting heads with the other people i need to deal with to finish this stuff.. also trying my best to be a nice, courteous person to these people.. hard to do when they just do not seem to agree with my point of view adn when one issue is made clear to them, they bring up two more ways they have gone to try to clear up together.. well long and short , this is a case of small monetary bills adn johnny's and mine pharmacy bills. i was a bookkeeper and person at boeing dealing with millions of dollars that i had to account for every frigging cent to the state, feds entitlement programs and the IRS. all was checked extensively adn i was never found to be in error. am one little titght assed son of a bitch.. way too OCD to fuck up.. moved up thru the higher levels each time fo their customer service department.;. now they have left me hanging and not doing their promised call backs. do i attempt to call again or just wait. i wait like shit..waiting cabilities of an infant child.. fuck it. i will get me and johnnycleanedd up before 8 am and then i will call them again.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajCYQL8ouqw the beatles and paul and let it be.. why oh why can i not just let it be ???? to try to engage my soul adn bod thsi mornign i put on couple of old beatles cds.. the time these songs were released was a very diffuclt time for me and all these songs did was take me back to that time.. i want to fucking hibernate for a month at least.. turn the world off rite now.. guess that means zoomies would have to hibernate also.. john does not slow down ever and i do not know how to hibernate!!!! many of my real friends are in crisis situations.. need to get in touch with them and help the best i can manage at this time.. not sure i can do this.. i am in crisis also folks.. just have to swallow my own shit and do what i can. i have been doing this for 50 yrs or so now.. that is all i know how to do.. " and how are you doing today Jim?? i am fine " is always my answer.. hell, i call the crisis line adn i end up tryign to support and prop them also.. i am a worthless little old fart.. not worthy of anyone's help or caring.. i know this is not the truth but the programming that got rammed onto me the first 17 yrs of my life probably put my beliefs deeply entrenched for life it seems.. stopped smoking yesterday and all the shit got jammed at me... well few mintues ago i went to 7-11 and talked to sam the clerk whiel he smoked a cig out in the cold.. then bought 3 more packs of marlboro 100's .. failed in staying clean of cigs also.. well fuck it.. going to look thru the stacks of cds now. hopefully i can find one of my 2 upbeat, carefree ones and try to bury myself in nothing.. got to get my shit together now.. just gave johnny a hug and his morning cup of coffee.. in an hour will do breakfast for us and then the shaves, baths adn clean clothes adn get on with the day best i can... Jim and John will be ok cause that is waht i do.. if you got this far in my rantings you got more patience than i do now..