i've set a date now for jan.20th. why then? because it's also the same day that my best and only friend killed herself two years ago. i thought i had made a new friend but i guess i was wrong. i'm working on a specific journal now and i'm calling it "my final chapter". i don't believe there will be any talking me out of this one. life is just becoming more and more painful and honestly i can't take it anymore. there are a hundred things i need to take care of and the means to do none of them. i'm burnt out. i'm fried. i set the date above because it's after the holidays and seems like as good a time as any to do it. i promised myself i wouldn't do anything during the holidays otherwise i would probably just do it now. now being as i suspect there is no way of talking me out of this i expect no response here. i just wanted to have a voice one last time because after this i will just remain silent. i know in all fairness and honesty no one wants to talk to me anyways. you all take care of yourselves and give life a chance. i know i certainly have.