Wasted Life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Mar 2, 2011.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I want to be a graphic artist, but I am terrible
    I wanted to apply for an internship at a studio, but need a portfolio and mine sucks, won't get accepted
    I am half way done with college and have nothing to show for it
    I am an idiot who got into this field with nothing, no skill, no talent and I am going to fail because of it
    I should have just gone for a degree that would get me a job and then I could have lived out the rest of my depressed days in a cubicle, doodling on paper as I plan my suicide
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It's never to late to change your major..Don't beat yourself up over this..You may have to do a couple more years in school but in the long run it would be worth it..
  3. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    You misunderstand, art is all I want and love, anything else and I won't be happy.
    I hate math, I could never be a scientist because you need math, I can't be a doctor or psychologist or lawyer because I'd laugh at people and I don't to do anything directly related to business like marketing.

    I want to art as my career but I am terrible, I am an idiot and I should just kill myself now
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Go for the art. Perhaps find a part time job to support the art,

    I love art. That is my area of study, but I'll never graduate. I'm not that good myself but it's the process of rendering a piece that is so awesome for me.

    No one can take our art away from our souls.
  5. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    They don't have to take it away, I am terrible, everyone else is better ( and younger ) than me
    I have no future in art
    I am looking into pro-suicide forums and different methods
  6. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey, I know it doesn't help to hear about other people, but I also love to do many things but I don't have the talent to do it seriously. Also, I quit soooo many things that I started. Playing musical instruments as a kid, whatever, you name it. I was originally studying dance in college and I also was in dance almost my whole life as a child. Instead of sticking with it and really staying with it through college, I haven't danced in like 3 years. I listened to my mother when she told me it wasn't something I could make a career out of and I then I went into my poli. sci major. I didn't take an internship. The last job I had was only seasonal. I wanted to go to law school, but I will have to put that on hold for a year because I took the December LSAT and I don't feel I did good, so I cancelled my score. I will have to take the test again in June or October and wait to apply. In the mean time, I have to listen to my mother tell me how worthless I am. Recently, I also started taking voice lessons to try something new and feel better about myself. I thought I would sing a song for her and immediately she had to criticize me. Not one nice word or any encouragement. Just her lovely suggestive criticism. The funny thing is the next day when I sang in front of my teacher, I got nothing but nice words!
    All I can say is don't be so harsh on yourself. If you are passionate about something, go for it. It is admirable what you are doing, rather than settling for something you don't love to do. Don't underestimate yourself. We are our own worst critics. I am sure some people may think you are extremely talented and if you feel you have a lot to improve on, just practice everyday.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2011
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    If I accept myself as I am, I won't improve
    I am nothing
    I hate myself
    I hate everything about myself
    I just wish I could hit by a car or shot or just die
    It doesn't matter what I do
  8. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    if you keep saying you will fail you will.
    if your portfolio sucks..make more to put in it.
    if you had a portfolio that didnt suck you could
    have a few doors opened for you.
    you should have a right to do what you want in your life.
    Many times well known artists and famous people make it not because
    of talent anyways. they either had connections (lucky bastards)
    or they kept trying relentlessly.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2011
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I suck regardless of attitude, whenever I felt a sense of pride in my work, I'd closer examine it and realize how terrible it is
    Even when I challenge myself and do well, there is always someone right next to me doing so much better
    Even if I did become a professional graphic artist there is no point, there are millions and I'd bring nothing new to the world, I am nothing
    Everything hurts and I can't stand it any longer
  10. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    First of all, art isn't a competition.

    Second, I can relate to you (I read your other threads before). I'm in my early twenties and I've only just realised what I want to do with my life. But I never really got much of a chance to do it growing up and only got into it relatively late in life. I see little kids who are much more advanced than me, mostly due to having had a lot more opportunities than me and yeah it can get me down, but I really enjoy learning and doing it for what it is. You sound really hard working, I really admire that as I'm not and spent years not practicing. Whenever I try and practice now I panic about everything I need to do and can't concentrate. But what I want to say is, keep trying, because all that effort will come good for you in the end. We're both young and we still have time, even though it may not feel like it. All that struggle will be worth it, but avoid competitiveness and comparison, because art is one thing where those things don't mean anything.
  11. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    You do bring something new, as you are unique and no can draw or think of the same ideas or perceive the world as you can. Everything you've experienced in your life, all the pain and frustration you're feeling now, the way your brain works, your passion, that is all completely new. Listen to what Chargette said, art is from your soul and that's all that matters.
  12. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I understand how you feel completely.
    I feel this way too. I want to be a photographer.(wedding, portrait, ads ect)
    Fashion photography sounds cool but its a very
    Competitive industry. Big names. Popular people.
    Its a social industry and you have to be good with people
    and have connection. I don't have any of that. I'm so scared of people.
    So I don't have my hopes that high..but I wonder if I should even
    go to college for photography considering I know nothing about it and apparently
    I suck. And there's no guaranteed job market for it.
    People tell me I have a bad choice of the lighting all the time.
    And my photos aren't interesting. Someones alreadyy done everything
    I've tried it seems. Even so..I still want to do it..
    I will work at walmart for a while hopefully to pay for things..
    But I know how you feel. There's no guarantees with it :/
    I don't know what comes next..or if ill make it..or just be a loser at walmart
    My whole life.. I wish I could help you fix things. I would if I could.
    But Just keep going. You do matter. Your important too.
    There are so many jerks out there who don't.
  13. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    If you really want to be a graphic artist, then do it and stop beating yourself over your skills. Skills can be improved, you just have to level up.

    I've just hit my late twenties (hello, 26) and I graduated with a bachelor in design and i pretty much feel the same way. on the other hand, i'm not half terrible, but damn, there are so many other better graphic designers out there. but there are also those that are worse off than you. If you keep comparing yourself to the more accomplished designers out there then you'd only going to give up sooner.

    Again, you seem to have the passion for graphic art, so don't give up on it. There are other outlets to direct your graphic design skills, like, graphic tees... web design... logo design... go to 99designs.com and build a portfolio and get inspiration from other designers. Love graphic design? Why not maintain a website to blog about it (it can be a part of your portfolio one day)?

    Honestly, though I graduated with a degree with graphic design, i too have very little experience in the industry... (less than a year)... i realized that I hated sitting in the office designing for other people.. i like design but for myself. My other passion or hobby... video games... I decided to switch gears and do some game related job... i'm right now still looking for game-related opportunities (game tester/ journalist - thats why i also keep a blog talking about video games)... that doesn't stop me from applying for graphic design jobs because i have nowhere else to turn to and that was the degree i graduated with... regardless of how half-assed my portfolio is.

    You wanted to apply for an internship.. but afraid that your portfolio sucks and automatically assume that you won't get the opportunity.... then improve your portfolio... make something that you feel proud of (without comparing yourself to others)... if you lack material... 99designs.com is a good place to start... Still, if you have something to show already, there is no harm to just submit something... you might get picked up who knows... mostly people want interns to fetch coffee anyway

  14. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I need a brochure done for my business...do you want to work together on this? I would be happy to show you the layout and such and we can take it from there...also it would be a credential for you to put on your resume...and anyone else who reads this and would be interested, can contact me as well...I have a lot to do for my new business and can always find something to delegate...that would be wonderful for me!
  15. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I sent a PM with questions
  16. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I sent a PM with questions