Wasted Potential

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by EzekielRo, Aug 3, 2011.

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  1. EzekielRo

    EzekielRo New Member

    I've been looking for a suicide text-line but I've had no luck finding one... This forum is the best I can do for now. I find it more comfortable doing it this way.

    Story is, my life is actually not so bad. I've got a caring family and good friends. It's just I find life so pointless. To me, humanity is at a stand still and is inevitably doomed. I just want to end it.

    Also, even though I've got good family and friends. I don't reciprocate with the emotions they deserve. For example, I'm first generation Canadian and there's this language barrier between my parents. Also my sibling are decades apart. The only thing I have to live for is my little sister whom isn't that close to me. My whole life moving around the country, I've understood that "friends come and go" and the friends I have now were the longest I've been friends with. However, lately there has been fallouts... I don't know who my real friends are. On top of that I lost the love of my life. A lot of people suggest, "you're young and you'll find someone else." This may be but I'm stubbornly in love with this girl. I think I may have some mental illness but haven't seen a doctor about it yet.

    Basically, my life is coasting and I have plans to end it but I wonder when I will actually end it.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...if your breakup is new, no matter how old you are, it will hurt...and when we are injured like that, it is no time to make plans...we all need time to heal, and, sometimes, professional help...it took me years to get over my ex, and it wasn't until he stalked me, that I truly saw what a fruit loop he was, and never saw him again...love was truly blind for me...please give it time and take the support that you deserve...J
     
  3. EzekielRo

    EzekielRo New Member

    Thanks for the reply and support with the break up. However the breakup isn't the main problem.

    It's mainly difficulties coping with the simple things. Growing up really... Realizing life and its contradictions... "Is it selfish to take your life or take life for granted." I know a lot of other people have it worst than I do, therefore I feel I have nothing to complain about. Which in truth, I really don't have anything to complain about. I've got a steady-tedious job, supportive family (whom I don't communicate with) and good friends that are hanging on by a thread.

    My future is in the mist but I have an idea about where I could be heading. In my mind, I see a crossroad: Either stick with my plan and live it out until I'm old or live by the moment and die young. Both choices feel neutral because how I see it, I've got nothing to gain nor lose. I guess what I'm trying to say is life is pointless to me at the moment and I;m just having these terrible thoughts and feelings.
     
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi EzekielRo,

    Welcome to SF! :) I hope to hear from you again, and also wanted you to know that I can relate :hug:

    I always told my old therapist that it was like I was loved and had a financially secure, unbroken family... yet, I felt empty inside. It was like nothing could satisfy me and that nothing in life was worth it... I've been in that mindset during certain times this year, and I just wanted to let you know I understand what it's like.. My parents did not grow up where I grew up either, and my sisters graduated from high school when I was in elementary school.

    :hugtackles:

    Take care,

    Alex
     
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