Wasted Youth, No Going Back Now. Suicide Seems to Be the Only Answer.

[cosmicchieftain]

I am suicidal. I wasted my youth. It was lost to depression and mental illness. I was severely abused and neglected growing up and I never overcame the trauma and got stuck in patterns of depression and social isolation. I did not have hardly any sex or human connection for the vast majority of my life. After I hit puberty I have struggled with extreme sexual frustration due to not having sex for years at a time.
I know that it's not my fault but I still blame myself for my social and sexual failures. I was robbed of my youth by my abusive and neglectful parents. I was emotionally and sexually abused by my mother, and I was neglected by both my parents.
I am struggling with getting older as I am not ready to move forward into later stages of adulthood. I still feel like I need to go back to being 17 so I can redo my wasted youth. It feels like there is no way to get past the horrible feelings without going back in time and undoing the damage.
The level of sexual frustration that I am dealing with and have dealt with for many years is completely unbearable. I am ready to die because I do not see any hope. I don't see how I will ever be happy again in this life after suffering the absence of sex and the insane frustration and emotional imbalances that it causes.
I would have hope if my body didn't age, as the pressure to have sex during the window of youth wouldn't be there. But alas, I am aging, and I cannot go back in time to redo my youth so...
it feels completely hopeless. And really probably actually is completely hopeless. I will never get those years back. They are gone forever. And the window to have sex is quickly closing as I get older. It is not the same to have sex at an older age. I needed to have sex when I was a teenager and young adult. Not now. Any sex that I have now is too little too late. There seems to be no way out of this mess. Other than <mod edit - method>

 

[Walker]

Hi there
I'm sorry that you're feeling bad about what you perceive as some sort of sexual failure on your part. I'm really unclear why you aren't just continuing on your life from this point though. Why isn't sex the same now as it would have been at 17? (umm I don't know if you think sex at 17 is good but its NOT. Ask anyone. Sex at 27 is better than 17 any day)

 

[may71]

Sex doesn't have to be the core of your existence.

 

[Sassy Cat]

I have not been with someone for years. I think it’s okay to not have sex it’s all overrated anyway.

 

[JDot]

Hey @cosmicchieftain I agree with Sassy. Sex is sometimes made out to be a lot more important than it really is. The media makes us think that everybody is having sex all the time. But it just isn't so. You can live a happy life without sex.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Hi cc. I really do understand this because I long so intensely at times to return to my own life at 17 or so and turn my life around. My dream was to go to medical school but I was so screwed up from being abused and neglected that I never managed a decent career at all. Basically I failed some classes, was told by my mother that I would never get in (not true, I realize now) and gave up. Because of my early failures I had to start from scratch a few years later and graduated with straight As and a huge student loan and figured I couldn't accrue even more debt by continuing.

However, going back to age 17 is not an option so we are wasting our time and energy to focus on it. How old are you now? I am 50 and have been winning prizes in writing contests and publishing my writing. It may be too late to do some things, but it certainly isn't too late to do anything.

Same with sex. I do understand that sex is important (and I hope you have a good solo sex life at least - skip the porn as it's bad for you - see the website "your brain on porn" if you need more info about that. ) You want to make sure everything is working.

Honestly, sex IS the same at any age and frankly most people, even in relationships, don't have it after a few years. I don't know why you think you are so permanently deprived??? My husband is 60 and we still have a good sex life.

 

[Marga]

Hi, I know what you mean. I also feel like I have been robbed of important parts of my youth by my neglecting parents. You want to enjoy that careless, happy youth, when parents take care of you and you can mostly just have fun, right? Well I didn't have that either and sometimes it upsets me. What helps is to tell myself that it could have been worse (like I could have been seriously ill for example ...) and try to be grateful even for what I had. As for sex - maybe it is not the same for everyone but I also find it important and feel quite frustrated without it. But I'd say you can enjoy nice sex at any age so it is definitely not too late for you to enjoy it now.

 

[cosmicchieftain]

I don't understand how you guys don't understand that it is important to have sex during the peak years of youth. That is just a biological and developmental fact that having sex during those years and being socialized properly is extremely important. We are in peak fertility during our teenage years and into our early 20s. Past about 30 or 40 we are just clinging to our sexuality. It is no longer really there. It has faded away. Sexuality is the impulse to procreate and have healthy offspring. That is what sexual attraction and excitement is based on biologically.

I guess you guys are in denial about the importance of sex and the importance of youth.

Having sex be important or not important is not a choice lol. It is a hardwired biological need. I don't know where people come up with this stuff about sex not being important or it being a choice as to whether it is important or not. We are sexual beings. Get over it lol.

 

[cosmicchieftain]

Hi, I know what you mean. I also feel like I have been robbed of important parts of my youth by my neglecting parents. You want to enjoy that careless, happy youth, when parents take care of you and you can mostly just have fun, right? Well I didn't have that either and sometimes it upsets me. What helps is to tell myself that it could have been worse (like I could have been seriously ill for example ...) and try to be grateful even for what I had. As for sex - maybe it is not the same for everyone but I also find it important and feel quite frustrated without it. But I'd say you can enjoy nice sex at any age so it is definitely not too late for you to enjoy it now.

I resonate a lot with your post. Thank you. You understand me. Blessings my friend.

 

[Walker]

I think that people who have "been there, done that" realize that this is an over rated fact. You are complaining about feeling 'robbed' of this so you have a skewed point of view about it. People are having sex when they're 80 so it's not like you "missed something" by not having it when you were 17 or whatever. Seriously, sex at 17 is shit. You're worried about getting caught, pregnancy and all kinds of shit. Sex a decade later is where it's at. Hell, sex at 37 is probably better than 27 but that's neither here nor there.

 

[Human Ex Machinae]

Past about 30 or 40 we are just clinging to our sexuality. It is no longer really there. It has faded away.

Where'd you hear that?

 

[Walker]

Where'd you hear that?

lol I know - a bit offensive isn't it?

 

[MosesY]

I was raised as a Christian and believed in waiting for sex until marriage. The first time I had sex was on my wedding day at age 22. There is a book called "His Needs, Her Needs." It lists sex as the number one need of most men and security as the number one need of women. Most women will not have sex unless they are in a relationship with some promise it being long term. Sure, you can pick up a woman at a bar and get her drunk and have your way with her. How does that feel?

I am 53 now and my sex impulse is as strong as it ever was. When I became divorced and single I stopped having sex. I turned to porn and delved into it further and further. I got to the point where I was desperate to quit, it was costing me hundreds of dollars a week. I found Reboot Nation and the book "Your Brain on Porn." It explained to me a lot of things about my life. I had been desensitized; nothing in life had any taste. I am 8 months free from porn now, I keep a counter on my phone. I once again find beauty in the fall colors, I find it beautiful to have a conversation with a woman without wanting to have sex with her.

 

[MosesY]

I don't understand how you guys don't understand that it is important to have sex during the peak years of youth. That is just a biological and developmental fact that having sex during those years and being socialized properly is extremely important. We are in peak fertility during our teenage years and into our early 20s. Past about 30 or 40 we are just clinging to our sexuality. It is no longer really there. It has faded away. Sexuality is the impulse to procreate and have healthy offspring. That is what sexual attraction and excitement is based on biologically.

I guess you guys are in denial about the importance of sex and the importance of youth.

Having sex be important or not important is not a choice lol. It is a hardwired biological need. I don't know where people come up with this stuff about sex not being important or it being a choice as to whether it is important or not. We are sexual beings. Get over it lol.

I believe it is very important not to have sex during the teenage years. I think it favors the man; he can father a child and then just leave the mother with the baby to take care of. Most teenage men are not looking for a wife, they are looking for a piece of ass.

You can't change your past; the best thing to do is forgive those people that hurt you and move forward.

 

[Thauoy]

Hey @cosmicchieftain . I think you are not the only one who is facing such situations in life. New too. I am 33 male. I never had any relationship in my life. I never had sex in my life. Though I want sex just like any other male, It is not so important for me. What I want is love and companionship. I am afraid of living a lonely life in old age.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I don't understand how you guys don't understand that it is important to have sex during the peak years of youth. That is just a biological and developmental fact that having sex during those years and being socialized properly is extremely important. We are in peak fertility during our teenage years and into our early 20s. Past about 30 or 40 we are just clinging to our sexuality. It is no longer really there. It has faded away. Sexuality is the impulse to procreate and have healthy offspring. That is what sexual attraction and excitement is based on biologically.

I guess you guys are in denial about the importance of sex and the importance of youth.

Having sex be important or not important is not a choice lol. It is a hardwired biological need. I don't know where people come up with this stuff about sex not being important or it being a choice as to whether it is important or not. We are sexual beings. Get over it lol.

Get over it yourself- how do you like someone saying that to you? You are in denial about reality. Your rosy view of teenage sex is a total myth. . Many people are religious. Also, there is not only unwanted pregnancy to contend with, but STDs, sexual assault and heartbreak. In my experience it is males who think sex can be so uncomplicated, and then they wind up paying child support for their entire lives. Birth control does not always work. And even for males there are WAY more emotional complications than you think.

Sex may be important but it is hardly essential. Many people don't have it when they're young, and still go on to have satisfying sex lives. Your comment about being past 30 or 40 just "clinging to our sexuality" is total bullshit. The sexual peak for most women is 30s, for instance, yet their peak fertility is much earlier. Fertility does not equal sexuality.

Uncomplicated sex is not the reality for most people in their teenage years. And no, it is not a "need." That attitude leads to entitlement and sexual assault (I worked at a rape crisis center and one of the major justifications given in date rape is that "men need sex").

You will get sick without proper nutrition but you will not get sick without sex. It is a drive, not a need. There's a difference. Sure it is a strong drive. You might convince me of the need to masturbate, especially in males, but you will never convince me that boys or men will be somehow physically or emotionally damaged without having intercourse. I'm not convinced most teenagers are emotionally mature enough to handle a sexual relationship - I know I wasn't, and I'm glad I didn't have sex until 19, almost 20. Frankly I still wasn't mature enough to be in a long-term relationship. And if you think sex outside a relationship is somehow going to be consistent and satisfying you're deluding yourself even more.

You act like you are some kind of expert. Show me the studies that say teenage boys or girls will be physically or emotionally damaged if they don't have sex. I can already tell you that your ideas are wishful thinking, not facts.

How old are you, by the way? Are you having sex now? These are important questions. If you are a 23 year old virgin your feelings are understandable if incorrect. If you're 40 or 50 I would say it's time for you to seek therapy, as your arguments indicate serious intellectual and emotional immaturity.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Hi, I know what you mean. I also feel like I have been robbed of important parts of my youth by my neglecting parents. You want to enjoy that careless, happy youth, when parents take care of you and you can mostly just have fun, right? Well I didn't have that either and sometimes it upsets me. What helps is to tell myself that it could have been worse (like I could have been seriously ill for example ...) and try to be grateful even for what I had. As for sex - maybe it is not the same for everyone but I also find it important and feel quite frustrated without it. But I'd say you can enjoy nice sex at any age so it is definitely not too late for you to enjoy it now.

I really identify with this as I didn't have it either, but I have to say that nobody I knew really had that carefree, happy youth. Most young people have a lot of pressure unfortunately, whether it's pressure to bring in income or pressure for athletic performance, getting high grades or so on. Sure, they may look happy and carefree from the outside but that's rarely the case.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Also, several scientific studies measuring brain activity have shown Buddhist monks are happier and more peaceful than other people. Guess what? No sex, often from teenage years onward.

 

[Lisa the Goatgirl]

Sexuality is the impulse to procreate and have healthy offspring. That is what sexual attraction and excitement is based on biologically.

I feel like the other people in this thread have covered everything else pretty well, but i just wanted to voice that this line from you is one of those ideas i really hate as a gay person, because it often gets used to justify saying some really discriminatory shit. It kind of discounts the existence of people like us, because how could we possibly be attracted to characteristics of our own gender considering that they should be blatant evidence we can't procreate with the person in question?

Having sex be important or not important is not a choice lol. It is a hardwired biological need. I don't know where people come up with this stuff about sex not being important or it being a choice as to whether it is important or not. We are sexual beings. Get over it lol.

Get over it yourself

I agree with LWH's post on this. Not everyone is as hung up on sex as you are. Maybe to you it doesn't feel like a choice, but for the majority of emotionally mature people it does. Get over it.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that you've suffered so much in your life. I wonder if seeing a therapist might help.

Wishing you good things