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Wat friends *Trigger

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jess_21, Jul 18, 2007.

  1. Jess_21

    Jess_21 Active Member

    You see my cuts and then you ask me why i do not tell you about them. You asked me why i did not ring, because you told me i could. Maybe cause i am a coward. Its not easy to talk about it. Then you look down your nose at me when you see them, you look at me as if i am a naughty puppy. Do you know what its like to carry all this shit on your shoulders, no.

    You tell me that i acn talk to you whenever i need to. You tell me to trust in you, what bullshit. You can see how bad i am hurting, you can see that i am drowning. When i ask to talk to you, just so someone will listen, you ignore me or tell me that your busy. Then you do not even invite me to come and sit with you, you leave me sitting bye myself asking WHY?

    Then (A) you ask me why i was such a poo at school today. WHY? do you really want to know. You tell me that i was fine yesterday. Maybe i was better at hiding it yesterday, maybe my mask slipped today. Then you start swearing at me cause i am struggling to do my school work. You tell me how pathetic i am, and that i wallow in my own self-pity. You tell me that i am a hopeless asshole.

    On the holidays when i was about to end my life, when i had everything set. I should of done it. I wish i would of committeed suicide. I use to love school now i hate it. I would do anything for my so called friends. You guys are meant to be my so called friends. You know that i am paranoid and think i have no friends. Well maybe i am right maybe i don't. Last time i checked friends don't swear at friends like you just did.

    Now my arms are cut up again. N i still have my method there to use, so maybe i should just do it. I am all alone. I know i deserve the shit in my life, all i wanted was for one person to care.


  2. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    hey sweetie, im sorry things are not good for you right now.

    i guess it is hard for friends to understand what to do when they have not being in the same situation. dealing with things like self harm is hard if you have never experienced it. your friends really dont understand what you are going through - its not that they dont care.

    everybody on sf are here to support u - please see that as a friendship that you can hold onto. alot of people here have had experience like this so dont hesitiate to talk.

    PM me if you want to talk hun

    Tkae care of yourself - dont leave this world.

    Love Clare x
  3. Jess_21

    Jess_21 Active Member

    i understand that they don't get it and i am okay with that, because sometimes i do not even understand me. I would always put there happiness n peace of mind ahead of mine.

    Its just that i get sworn at an abused enough already, i don't enjoy friends doing that to me because i am struggling with school work.

    I was standing on the brink and them along with other things has just pushed me to far.
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I know exactly what you mean by people saying they're there for you, but when you need them , they're not...And ppl ask why you were down today. You know you can't tell them the real reason, all though you desperately want to tell someone, anyone who will listen and help. We all needs friends and family there for us, and without these, the loneliness can eat us alive. We have to be there for ourslves sometimes sweetie. I hope your 'friends' pull their heads in and just realise they probably have no idea what you are going though and cant relate or understand it....
  5. Jess_21

    Jess_21 Active Member

    I know what u mean blackness as if ur problems do not eat away at you like poison already. Ur problems are already killing you. Then the loneliness its just yuck. More poison.
  6. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    friends are there for each other through the good times and the bad times - no matter what.

    what you are describing are people that are just there for the good - very immature kids.

    we are friends hunny - there for you through the good and the bad.

    you are never alone

    Clare x