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watching him crumble

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How the fuck can I help.
this friend of mine is going through a really shit time right now,his son has been charged with rape and sexual assault, aint not a chance he did the rape but a high probability he did the assault.
problem is he isnt helping himself, they have evidence through texts and facebook so he needs to own up to certain things and be honest about her making the rest up but hes buried his head in the sand hoping to blag his way out.
i know where this is going, as it is, either way cuz of the lies i recon hes going to do time, with or without both charges,,,, its a fucking serious thing
there isnt anything else i can tell my friend,, nothing,, he comes a few times a week to vent which is perfect its what friends do but i just feel like its going over old ground which isnt helping much.
fuck i wanna be able to give him some light but i can only do that by telling him it isnt him thats going down its his son.
his kid lies to him , the whole family lie to him and keep him in the dark and its stressing him out to fuck,, fuck its stressing me out to fuck so i havent a clue how John must be feeling right now.
i wanna be of some help, and i know that being a sounding board is helping,,,,,,,, but its just not enough.
ill be in court with him, for Johns sake,, someone to be there for him,, cuz hes going to hear some shit things and watch his family get shredded on the stand.
im dreading it, its going to tear him up, this is going to rip his heart out.
hes a good friend, one of my best,,,, i just want him to be ok.
i know hes going to crumble
and theres nothing I can do about it


Staff Alumni
Hi Amy-lee :D

I'm impressed with your unwavering support for your friend. If I had to tell a close friend my opinion about what's going on with his son's getting arrested, and how the son lies to said friend... I'd do it by bringing up the topic slowly. He knows you care for him, and so he should value your opinion.. although he might be a little angry at first because he might think you're "getting into his personal business" and ask you to back off... although he should recognize your concern and sensitivity.. Anyhow, I don't know your friend; you know him best! :hug:

Wish you could give a hug to your friend from us on SF! :)
thanks Alex,

yerh he knows ill tell him the truth regardless of good or bad, he bought me all the paper work down and we talk about it all time. I try to show him different view points and the ignorance of his family and ex-partner who doesn't seem to care its her Son. Shes made false statements to the cops and it looks like shes going to bury him. Shes even got her family shouting shit out to John on the streets.
hes one of my best friends,, if not the Best friend I have.... im worried that this will tear him up. i know he suffers with his nerves a lot.
ive offered him a chance to stay with us for a week after the trial, to get his head sorted, hes going to need a break and we live out in the country so would be ideal,, I just hope he takes it.
I just wish I could do more,,,,,,,,
ok so he came down again today,,, fuck i just wanted to give him a huge hug and give him the reassurance he needs,,, at the end of the day he isnt the one whose going to be in court regardless of whether his son gets ripped to shreds, but he is really starting to feel the pressure of it all.
can see it in his face, hes lost tonnes of weight, hes having trouble sleeping and his blood pressure is playing up.
hes taking it all on board and is as worried as you would be if it where your case and you had half a brain to deal with it.
gawd i dont know what to do, i want to organize something, a day away from it all,, just give him a break, give him something else to focus on.
even if its just a few hours...
any suggestions???
please bear in mind he is totally broke and so am I so whatever it is has to be free,,,,,,,,,,,

btw its his sons birthday soon, hes turning 19, fucking 19 and cant face any responsibility for anything, he makes me so fucking angry,, im so glad i haven't seen him in a while i just want to ring his fucking neck.


Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
I think that you're being a good friend and doing all that you really can do by listening. It's kind and generous of you to listen and be honest without saying too much bad about his son. A lot of folks would really run his son through the verbal muck. I have a feeling your friend probably knows his son's flaws - he just wants them not to be real atm.

...Hmmmm...Something free to do. What about a pot luck picnic at a park and invite some of your mutual friends? Everyone brings enough to serve 4 or 8 people. You could have a sign up for salads, desserts, casseroles, so that you end up with a balanced meal. If there is a bbq in the park, you could cook burgers and hot dogs and sell them at a price that just covers the cost of the food and charcoal. You might have to head to the park early and lay claim to a spot with shade and some tables. Oh, and people would need to bring enough paper plates and paper napkins for their dish. :dunno: Just an idear.
Really sweet idea, but we are in the UK, picnic is ok but not allowed bar b q in the park exc,,,
I do have a 2 man kayak,,, might be an idea to pack a picnic and go take that down the canal for the day, might be a nice break,, got no landrover anymore so itll be strapped to the punto but could be fun! i could perhaps give him a ring and see if he is up for it!!! ill push him in :biggrin: hell enjoy that lol
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