Watching the world go by

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by nwaird, Dec 30, 2012.

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  1. nwaird

    nwaird New Member

    Hello, I'm Nathan (24yo).

    I've been drinking actively for ten years now, and the past 12 months daily and in extreme excess. I have nothing to show for my life except financial success. I still go to work and perform above and beyond but the moment I get home I count the hours and units to determine how much I can drink without appearing drunk at work.

    On top of my alcohol dependency I simultaneously use benzodiazepines to boost the buzz and avoid hangover. On one hand I don't care and on one hand I'm scared I'll develop respiratory arrest and die.

    I lie and manipulate for my own benefit but I've never cheated on anybody or stole anything. I have extremely disturbing thoughts in my mind and the only thing keeping me from acting on them is that I'm too handsome for jail.

    I've googled enough of double dependencies especially involving alcohol and benzodiazepines but I'd like your input. Quitting cold turkey will kill me, doing a little less always ends up with doing a bit more. Help?

    - Nathan
  2. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    You have the priceless benefit of being young and having your whole life ahead of you. You seem to have the financial means, so please go talk to a counselor or a trusted friend. You shouldn't hurt yourself, and God forbid you go out and hurt anyone else.
  3. nwaird

    nwaird New Member

    Considering what I've been through and what I continue to go through, I see no benefit in my "young" age.

    I have the financial means but I can't talk truthfully to any professional because that would result in me getting an "addict stamp" and not get prescription drugs for anything that could even remotely cause addiction.

    And I can't talk about any of the other things in my life because I would be considered mentally ill or possibly a danger to the public -<Mod Edit:CocaCola:Triggering> Yet of course speaking of it "publicly" here kind of forces me not to act on anything, since a jail sentence is not a part of my future plans. So everyone's safe.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2013
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