Watching the world

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by na-taya, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    As I sit here and watch the world pass me by, it couldn't be more painfully obvious to me that I am no apart of it, I never really have been and no matter how hard I try I never really will be either.

    It gets better?!?!
    When? How long of a time frame is acceptable for working hard to get it better. 1 year? 5years? More less??? I don't know
    I've been in battle with myself for over 10 years now.
    And don't get me wrong somethings have gotten easier to deal with or cope with but one thing is always the same.
    I don't belong.

    I'm tied but even if I manage a good sleep it's not the kind of tied sleep can fix when it's my soul that's tied....
     
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    "I'm tied but even if I manage a good sleep it's not the kind of tied sleep can fix when it's my soul that's tied...."

    That is what I have been looking for, a decent explanation of just how tired I have become. That defines what I have been trying to say for so long now. It goes beyond physical tiredness.

    You do belong, you just haven't discovered where as yet. I dont "belong" in a city. I live in one, but I "belong" in the countryside. Thats where my heart and soul long to be, away from everyone and everything. One day, I might get there and be at peace with the world I exist in. If not, I shall die in a place I never "belonged" in anyway and it will be no great loss to me or anyone else.
     
  3. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    First of I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing the same kind of tied. It's somthing I wouldn't wish on anybody. Not even close.
    I hope you manage to find a way to rejuvenate yourself soon anni know it's not easy.

    Reading the second part of that felt like I wrote it. I couldn't agree more I belong away from people in a small place were people are semi or friendly to each other. But I'm still sure than even if I was to find such a place I'd still find reasons I won't belong and it's no so much about people being nice to me.....
    It's just how I fit sadly.

    I'm trying my best to remember tomorrow comes and hold on to the fact it could be a different day.......but honestly I don't hold much hope.
     
  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    So that then begs the question, what reasons could you find to not belong somewhere if that place were more or less what you have been searching for? I know and understand there is probably no simple answer to that, so please do excuse my curiosity and I apologise if you prefer not to answer such questions.
     
  5. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I donno what reason I could find, it's normally just the vibes I get off people when I'm around then, I kind kind of feel they don't want me around or anything to do with me.......now it's prob a Hughes given that this is just my preception and not 100% true but it's 100% true to me if that don't confuse you.

    I think even if i was at my 'ideal' spot I'd still get the same feeling/belief.
    I do my best not to and I'm sure if I was in my 'ideal' spot it may make the battle a bit easier.......
    I donno.
    I'm just so clouded by darkness today its hard to see anything with the effort.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi sweetheart <3

    Listen to this inspiring song by pink

    I also feel sometimes i don't belong but when I am on here chatting with you every single day, it does give me hope because you are so wonderful, caring and funny! :) You are amazing and that little girl you look after loves you and you have a reason to be here it just might take a while to find. But you are here so good luck with uni again and you gotta get up and try,try,try!! ((hugs))
     
  7. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Na-taya-I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad, but I wonder if you could consider something. What if you're interpreting your situation wrongly? What if being different makes you stronger not weaker? What if feeling like you don't belong is a sign that you are more enlightened than most not less enlightened? What if you are a born leader not follower and that is why you don't seem to connect with the life that is going on around you. What if all of the things that make you feel bad about yourself are actually positive attributes-not negative? I ask you these questions because I believe that most people end up emotionally conflicted because they misunderstand what is really happening in their lives. Perhaps a shift in perception could clear out a lot of the mental fog and wake you up to the beginning of a new life :)
     
  8. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    If its 100% true to you, then its true and very real no matter what my opinion is and no it doesn't confuse me at all, I get it, I really do. I was trying to explain a very similar concept to my partner earlier. We are encouraged at groups to write things down. Top of the page is the problem/issue you face. then two columns, pros and cons, or for and against, or good and bad. Sometimes, seeing it written in front of you helps make some sense of it. I think if you applied that to what lifetalkz is saying, you might just get a slightly different slant on what you seeing as the problem. Not to say that you are wrong, far far from it. Its just a different perspective is all.
     
  9. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    @Petal I am so bless you took the chance and messaged me. I enjoy our daily chats and you are so amazing yourself I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you.

    @lifetalkz thanks for opening my eyes to a whole thing I just couldn't see myself. I'm not so sure I am a leader of any means. But I will try and look at it all in a different way. I struggle so much to see positive in myself as I am sure most of us do.

    @SinisterKid yeah I know it true to me but apparantly my version of reality can be distorted sometimes and I know this dosnt mean I can shake the beliefs to me.....because to me they are how it is.....but not so much to everyone else.
    I do pros and cons list when I'm really struggling with things or making a choice over somthing big. And I honestly don't believe you are saying I'm wrong at all you are just trying to help me view it from a different prospective and I couldn't appreciate it any more if I tried.
    So thank you very much
     
    SinisterKid likes this.
  10. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Oh I so understand the tired. The tired that never ends. The tired that even a hundred years of sleep will not cure. It is horrid.
    And it is hard to find a place to fit in. One where you feel really at home. Our world is so messed up, so broken.