i am trying to survive the longest and worst mood episode of my life. i start out being more and more hyper then get angry andyell and argue about stupid things. then i crash into horrible unrelenting hopelessness and an overwhelming desire to kill myself. this can go on for hours or days. its like being pulled under by a wave and not even knowing which way is up.i feel like two people. one person says i can not live like this, it hurts too much to be alive and i am not afraid of death, the other person says it doesnt matter to me, but it would matter to my family and i dont want to hurt them. this hopelessness is the worst thing to me. i am physically very sick and mentally sick too and nothing has helped. how do other people fight against severe hopelessness? and howdo i not give up when their is no chance of the future improving?