It is quite weird really. I don;t feel suicidal all the time. Sometimes I can have quite a good day. It is always at the back of my mind. I am considering new methods everyday. I have not taken an overdose in about 2 weeks now which is good. The pills I am on have changed and now on something beginning with a V which is aimed at people who have had depressive symptoms for several months. I'll be sitting at home or out and about and all of a sudden it is like a switch has been flicked and I'll feel so bad. When I say I have a good day it is when I can get out of bed and go to work or uni. Everything feels numb on these days and I dont really feel. Then other days I feel so low that all I can think about it how I can end it. Obvisouly overdose wont work as tried that numerous times. I was reading online earlier that more women try suicide than men but men are more successful and this is prob to do with the harsher methods that they would choose. There are bridges in the states and also in the rest of the world which are known suicide points. I think of ways that I can make it look like an accident so that the pain to those around me would be less. Recently in the news there has been this thing where a woman has gone to prison as she tried to poison her husbund for his life insurance. He was in coma for about 16 weeks and has been left blind and deaf. So was wondering if I took more would it end it all. I have an idea of how I could which would prob look quite natural if I could get rid of evidence and for me would just be like falling asleep. But it is how I would get rid of evidence and what I need is perscription only and I dont know anyone who has the thing that I would need. I am holding on to the fact that if I really need to I do always have the option to end it and I suppose knowing that means I do still have the power. The psychiatrist I saw at the hospital has sent me back to GP as is only a short term thing at the hospital. The GP was reluctant to refer me on to anyone else in the first place before I saw this PDoc and I only saw her as one of the counsellors called the hospital and asked why it hadnt been followed ip after taking an OD. The Psychiatrist said that needed something more long term and mentioned something about community support psychiatrist and psychotherapy. What is the difference between psychotherapy and counselling, will it make any difference. Also, is it weird that being female I find it hard to talk to other females about things. I have always been more open with blokes. The social orker who I saw the 1st couple of times at the hospital was great. I told him everything but i seem to clam up when it comes to talking to other women.